I totally hate people who mess with my things. I thoroughly despise people who, in the guise of ‘helping’, put my kitchen stuff in illogical places. Today I was going to make Bert some delicious soda bread to eat with the delectable chicken* broth we created yesterday and I go to my trusty Magimix and find that some bloody tosser has lost/mislaid the blade. It can only be one of two people.
First in the frame is Jazzer. Yes you, you scatty bitch. I know your sluttish ways. You just push everything into cupboards, under carpets and below cushions; God knows where it will turn up if it was you put it away. I sincerely hope not under a cushion or some poor cratur could end up with a lacerated arse.
Second in the frame is Swisser. She is an academic and therefore without a shred of common sense. The blade could be anywhere. Or – in a fit of jealous fury at my superior baking skills and refusal to give her recipes – honestly Swisser I just throw things together, I never use recipes – she has either binned it or hid it in some crazy place.
So now that I’ve got that off my chest I present a list of possible blog topics I’ve been mulling over.
- The joy of chicken keeping
- Breasts (not chicken-related)
- The role of Chep pallets in the Ulster loyalist tradition
- What shall we do about Harry de Cat?
*Not from a chicken we knew