Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Perfect Porridge

Bert said a very dirty thing while we were watching Nigella the other night. It made me laugh an awful lot but it's far too rude to repeat. Nigella was lasciviously scoffing a bread and butter pudding that she'd made with croissants, double cream and bourbon and she commented, "That was everything I'd hoped for and more," and he said, "That's what she'd say after I'd...." I cannot finish what he actually said as some of my more gently reared readers, i.e. Fresh Blade, Hails, Manuel, Beowulf and Ganching would be very shocked because what he actually said was even worse than what might first spring to mind. No doubt more worldly readers such as Ed, Mr Bolan, Cybez and Grannymar will get it immediately. Meanwhile the likes of Bliss and El Capitan will be thinking, "Who da hell's Nigella?"

Nigella's not the only one with awesome recipes and, with Hails in mind, I'm going to give you Majella's* recipe for Perfect Porridge.


Porridge for Two People

Put one cup of porridge, a handful of sunflower seeds,one cup of water and one cup of milk in a saucepan. Bring to boiling and cook for a couple of minutes whilst stirring occasionally.

Serve into two bowls. Add one spoonful of honey per bowl and slice a banana between the two bowls. You can also use another soft fruit such as peaches, strawberries or blueberries. Add milk to taste.

Steep saucepan in cold water making sure to wipe porridge off saucepan rim.

Carry one bowl to bedside of Nigella-fancying lazybones and then eat own portion.

Go to work and hope that aforementioned slugabed will wash saucepan.

So there you go - my recipe for non-exploding porridge and a tip for an easily cleaned pan.

*Majella is my middle name - Nelly Majella Moser

24 comments:

ejh said...

"That's what she'd say after I'd...."

Is it a:

Volunteered to do the washing up and then offered her a foot rub?

or is it b:

***** *** ** **** ** **** ** **** with hot wax?

Answers on a postcard...

Nelly said...

Not the first. The second might be closer but he didn't mention wax. He's an uncomplicated soul at heart.

ganching said...

..given her a good tune with my clarinet?

Nelly said...

Gan Ching! Not such an innocent girl...

Hails said...

I'm not even going to guess.

I'm ignoring the shocking part and focusing on the perfect porridge. Very excited about it, actually.

Although it does sound slightly more calorific than my exploding porridge, which is made as follows:
Put 1 cup porridge and 2 cups water in bowl. Stick in microwave for 2 mins. Stir. Stick in microwave for 2 more mins. Open microwave door and behold the nuclear-like disaster. Cry.

Nelly said...

Just because you're on a diet doesn't mean you should eat dreary food. The half spoonful of honey and the semi-skimmed milk don't add that many extra calories. It's healthy food too and makes the porridge much yummier. I've been eating this for breakfast for two months now and have lost a stone and a half. And I'm middle-aged.

Manuel Estimulo said...

Was it:

That's what she said after I'd sprayed my hot, spicy chorizo sauce all over her soft clams?

Is a very popular dish in Tenerife.

Nelly said...

It may be a popular breakfast in Tenerife but I cannot see it taking off in Northern Ireland.

And I see that your good Catholic upbringing has spared you the blight of a filthy mind for, I'm afraid, Bert said something much less innocent than that!

Here's a clue. It's illegal. Or it was the last time I was perusing the statute books.

Manuel Estimulo said...

Is no help at all. Northern Ireland is like Alabama. Everything is illegal!

Nelly said...

And just like Alabama - we do it anyway. Why only last week Bert had a bonfire - but don't tell anyone. It is illegal to burn garden waste or rubbish in this country. A dispensation to this rule is granted on the 11th of July ehen it is legal to burn anything, including tyres, Chep pallets, other people's property, the flags of fellow EU nations and Popes.

Grannymar said...

I'm saying nothing! ;)

Nelly said...

A wise move!

Freshblade said...

I recently told a soldier with a sore arm that, "It will be several weeks before you can operate your weapon." People laughed. Why?

Nelly said...

I couldn't possibly say. Perhaps Handsome Ed could enlighten us?

CyberScribe said...

ummm? shoved a rolling pin up... :-)

ejh said...

Nelly, people clearly laughed because, in the current local political climate, soldiers don't even carry their rifles any more, unless they're heading to somewhere with much more sand than here. So, in effect, Blade had offered said soldier a free pass from being deployed to a war zone. And people were laughing with relief.

Either that, or everyone was laughing at the [This section has been censored by the Morality Police]

Bliss said...

My virgin ears are burning.

Oh, wait...

;)

Freshblade said...

Thanks, Ed. This is the great thing about Blogland - having questions answered by the erudite and handsome readers of Ms Moser's fine blog.

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