Sunday, September 09, 2012

Recycled Post #1

Seeing as it is my birthday I thought I might be lazy and recycle a post from September 2004. I'm sad to say that Harry de Cat is no longer with us. But his legacy remains - Bert is now an avowed cat lover.

The Proper Care and Training of Cats

When our ancient three-legged cat died I swore there would be no more cats. Then Scary Tam called around and said they'd had another litter of kittens. "What are they like?" says I. "Totally gorgeous" says he. "I might take a look at them" says I. I phoned Zoe who agreed to accompany me on the viewing expedition. "I definitely want a female" says I. "I quite agree" says she.

So we landed at Scary Tam's and the kittens were rather nice. Zoe upended the three of them and pronounced them all males. She considered a career as a vet for a time.

"I'll take one anyway" says I. And so we landed home with Harry. He was always great fun. No fear of dogs at all and he used to take great running leps at them. Nowadays we have to dose him with catnip to get his violent urges going. Needless to say we got him castrated. My friend Vinny says that the average lifespan of an unneutered tom cat is two years.

But there was one huge problem. Harry had a thing about pissing on Bert, preferably when he was asleep. The duvets I had to dump! He got a name change for a while and was known as Pisher McGee. But he was still loads of fun and got away with it. "He'll grow out of it" says I. "He'd better, or I'll shoot him" says he.

Then one day that Bert happened to be up early and he went to the front door to have a piss. As we live in the country there was no one to see him but a few thrushes in the hornbeam hedge and Pisher McGee. Bert spotted the cat, adjusted his aim and sent a good morning strone all over Harry. And as God is my judge Harry never peed on Bert or anywhere in the house after it.


Clairenewcastle said...

Happy Birthday!

Grannymar said...

Happy Birthday Again! ;)

I hope that Bert is diluting that precious liquid and putting it on the compost. The folk on GQT swear by it.

Nelly said...

Thanks Claire! Grannymar I remember meeting two brothers (long time ago) who told me that their Mum was a keen grower of Sweet Peas. They said she peed in a bucket and left it to mature then used it to fertilise her plants. Don't know if she diluted it though. Sweet Pee for Sweet Peas. I never tried it myself. Yet.

ejh said...

Happy birthday, Mary!

Nelly said...

Thanks Ed!

Brighid said...

Happy Happy Birthday!

When we lived in that damn deer heaven...we were told by a fellow gardener that putting pee around the yard would keep the deer out. Marking territory as it were. Himself said who was just stupid and it wouldn't work. A few days later I hear him humming and stopping every so often around the yard... turns out he was right.

Nelly said...

So that's why we never get deer around here! Either that, or it's because there are no deer.