Swisser Creates A Stink

Bert: There’s a bit of a funny smell in here. Swisser: There is! I didn’t like to say anything but there is a bad smell in here. Bert: It smells like silage effluent. Swisser: It smells like rotting flesh. Nelly: I can’t smell anything. But then I’ve got this cold. Can you smell anything Hannah? Hannah: I can’t smell anything either. Swisser: Well I can! I noticed it as soon as I came in but I didn’t like to say until Bert mentioned it. It’s definitely something rotting. Bert: It smells more like silage effluent to me. Maybe one of the dogs was rolling in something.

Swisser starts sniffing the dogs. She then starts lifting cushions and smelling the sofas. Nelly looks on bemused.

Swisser: It’s something rotting. Flesh rotting. Nelly: Well if it is you must have brought the smell of it in with you on your feet because I thoroughly cleaned this room yesterday. I had all the sofas out and hoovered and mopped everywhere.

Nelly is starting to feel a little bit pissed off. She goes into the kitchen and starts washing up.

Nelly: Maybe what you’re smelling is cabbage. I let some cabbage get burned when I was making supper. Swisser: Yes! Maybe there’s something rotting in your fridge.

Swisser rushes into kitchen, opens the fridge door and starts sniffing the contents.

Nelly: It’s hardly going to be the fridge reeking out the room next door. Anyway don’t you think it’s a bit rude to go around sniffing people’s fridges? Swisser: Oh right. Suppose it is a bit.

Swisser returns next door and begins to tell a tale about being chased around the roads at Coleraine University by an irate car dealer from Limerick. Nelly picks up a large sharp knife and eyes it thoughtfully before replacing it in the cutlery drawer.