My Pen Poised

I like doing stuff online. I do my banking there, pay my credit card, buy dog licences, book flights and MOT vehicle tests.

I like doing these things online because it is convenient, time-saving, avoids silly boring journeys to dreary offices where you have to stand in line. And best of all cuts down on that human-to-human interaction stuff which can be so soul-destroying. I know some people like talking to humans but I get enough of that in my day job. I can't stand the sing-song way they talk to you when they ask you the boring questions that they ask a hundred, thousand times a week. I hate the way they say things like, "Have you got your wee security number?" or, "Do you need a wee pen to sign that?"

So imagine my annoyance when trying to book an MOT test this morning I had to end up going back to the telephone and Ms Brisk with her 'polite' Ballamena accent.

OK - I was disgruntled and cheesed off at having to go through the whole rigmarole again. And it all seemed so boring. We got to the bit where she wanted to give me a booking number. I said,

Won't that be on the letter?

Yes but I still have to give it to you. In case the letter doesn't reach you.

Right.

It's 9-9-2-6

Right thanks.

No wait. There's more. You'll need to write it down.

Right.

I say nothing else. She says nothing else. Then...

Are you ready?

Yes. I'm sitting here pen poised.

What?

Sitting here with my pen poised.

There's no need to be so rude!

Rude? Brusque maybe. Impatient perhaps. Mildly sarcastic yes. I suppose that was a bit rude.

Humourless trollop. Why doesn't she do what I do? Smile sweetly whilst talking to the fuckers then turn the air blue when I hang up.