Don't Touch My Stuff!

I’ve had a touch of blogrot going on and it is all CyberScribe’s fault. This Nelly for No. 1 thing makes me nervous and piles on the blogging pressure as well. But here we go and in the best blogging tradition I am going to start with a rant.

I totally hate people who mess with my things. I thoroughly despise people who, in the guise of ‘helping’, put my kitchen stuff in illogical places. Today I was going to make Bert some delicious soda bread to eat with the delectable chicken* broth we created yesterday and I go to my trusty Magimix and find that some bloody tosser has lost/mislaid the blade. It can only be one of two people.

First in the frame is Jazzer. Yes you, you scatty bitch. I know your sluttish ways. You just push everything into cupboards, under carpets and below cushions; God knows where it will turn up if it was you put it away. I sincerely hope not under a cushion or some poor cratur could end up with a lacerated arse.

Second in the frame is Swisser. She is an academic and therefore without a shred of common sense. The blade could be anywhere. Or – in a fit of jealous fury at my superior baking skills and refusal to give her recipes – honestly Swisser I just throw things together, I never use recipes – she has either binned it or hid it in some crazy place.

So now that I’ve got that off my chest I present a list of possible blog topics I’ve been mulling over.

• The joy of chicken keeping


• Breasts (not chicken-related)


• The role of Chep pallets in the Ulster loyalist tradition


• What shall we do about Harry de Cat?

Any preferences?

*Not from a chicken we knew