Monday, November 17, 2008

Oh How I Wish That Skippy Was Here

The hole what I fell in

I’ve never got into the habit of carrying a phone with me. After yesterday I think perhaps I should. After leaving Hannah in to work I took Paddy and Bonnie for walks in Currell’s Avenue. I was wearing my Hunters so decided to go off piste. We were in this boggy field between the river and the Ballygarvey Road and I went to cross an old wooden bridge over a sheugh. Next thing I’m sitting on my ass on a whole heap of mud and my left leg is stuck in a hole in the bridge, damn and blast it to hell. Of course my first thought was,

Am I going to lose my welly here?

No thought a-tall for my leg, just my welly for a damned expensive welly it was too. Then I thought,

Am I going to get my leg out or am I going to be stuck here for hours?

Then I thought,

Will I have to chew my leg off?

Then I thought,

If I had a big rock I could smash the wood around my leg and get it out.

Then I thought,

If these dogs were any good a-tall like Lassie or Black Bob, or if they were even as smart as Skippy the Bush Kangaroo, then they could go and fetch help but they’re not, they’re crap dogs and they’re not even looking at me, they’re running ahead regardless as if Nelly with her leg stuck in a bridge is a really normal thing to be happening.

Then I thought,

If I imagine my leg is really skinny like Kate Moss’s leg then I could wiggle it out or die trying.

So I did. I imagined my leg was totally skinny and wiggled it out and it hurt like hell and it came out with Hunter still attached.

And I jumped up and walked about and everything still worked so I thought I’d better take myself and my two useless dogs homewards but before I went I took a photo of the hole in the bridge and I wished that I could have had a picture of me with my leg stuck in the bridge and if Skippy the Bush Kangaroo had been there (s)he would definitely have gotten that picture.

What's that Skip? An old lady's got her leg trapped in the old wooden bridge?


sageweb said...

Oh my goodness...lucky you are okay..if I fell in a hole like that my dog would have licked my face to death.

Nelly said...

My dogs never looked the road I was on (that's an Ulsterism - means they ignored me)

ganching said...

See, I told you that posts about falling into holes were better than opinions.

Grannymar said...

Poor Nelly!

I hope you told the hole off!

Seriously I hope you didn't jump up once the leg was free, You need to check carefully for damage or breaks. Putting weight on the limb can make things worse!

Nelly said...

Ganching - Maybe I'll take a flask of gin with me on my walks to see if that increases the falling down opportunities.

Grannymar - I sort of knew the leg wasn't too badly damaged. It was all scrapes and sore muscle - but you're probably right. I should have been a bit more ginger about it to start with.

Anna said...

Please...please take a phone with you when you when you leave the beaten path. You can turn it off if you don't want to be disturbed, but have it handy for emergencies.

Dang those dogs - having a holiday while you suffer. You deserve a drop of gin. :-)

Father Tony of the Farmboyz said...

It's delightful to watch a happy woman find her stride. You think your blog needs opinions? Not really, what it needs is only the door into your soul. That is the one thing to which you have not quite yet directed us. I am patient.

Manuel Estimulo said...

Hola Nelly--

Please remove that obscene photo of a lady's bits off your blog. I was almost puking up my porridge when I first see it. Is not what I espect to see in Nelly's Garden!

And also I don't not want to know how you manage to get your foot trap inside. Country ways is clearly very different in Espain.

evilganome said...

Hmmmm... I tried to leave a comment yesterday, but blogger must not have liked it. It involved my ignorance on the indigenous nature of kangaroos in Norn Iron! Which, honest, I had no idea there were kangaroos named Skippy native to the Emerald Isle, which only highlights the depths of my ignorance.

Nelly said...

To Father Tony - your comment touched a nerve with me. To be truthful I am very worried about my soul's current status. I feel that it is becoming a dark, shrivelled thing and would be loth to share it's true nature with anyone right now - but also I cannot help thinking 'once a priest....'

Manuel - you really should think about consulting Father Tony about your deep, dark neuroses. I think you'd find his advice very helpful. And he might have some insider knowledge on the whereabouts of the true pope.

Evilganome - Kangaroos are not currently resident in Norn Iron or anywhere else in Hibernia but there were, until very recently, a colony of wild wallabies outside Leek in Staffordshire. And that's not very far away by US standards.

Musings of Mel said...

This made me laugh out loud.

There are allegedly a colony of wallabies in Edinburgh - near my old Uni. campus. One of my old lecturers told me about te wallabies and I thought she was talking crazy (she was a bit mad) but apparently it is true. And there was were a few albino squirrels too. Who knew Edinburgh had so many rare animals in its wilds.