Monday, December 31, 2007
Saturday, December 29, 2007
This morning I plucked up my courage, stepped on and found that I'd gained 5 lbs. Oh well. Almost immediately I felt the urge to do poo. Afterwards, for it was a goody, I stepped back on to the scales hopeful of a small weight loss. And found that I'd gained three-quarters of a pound!
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Could anyone be having a harder time trying to have a lie-in than me?
So I got up. A short time afterwards I heard a whooshing, crashing sound and then Katy started to roar and shout...
I shout up the stairs.
What's happened? Are you alright?
Bloody ceiling's fell on top of me. Top of my head. And I was just having a lovely lie-in. First in months.
Oh my God.
I race up the stairs.
Bert, Bert! Did you hear that? Ceiling's fell on top of Katy and Mark.
Aye. I heared.
Teddy was rather shaken by the incident but, thankfully, unhurt.
For dinner we had beef, turkey, lamb and ham. The seven puddings were -
1. Tirimasu (Italian Cookshelf, Penny Stephens) Very popular. None left. Nick said it was pisano because it was a bit rough looking. Made by me. Used madeira cake instead of sponge fingers.
2. Sicilian Orange & Almond Cake (Italian Cookshelf, Penny Stephens) Also made by me. Very yummy. Would recommend the recipe as it was very easy to make.
3. Chocolate and Chestnut Truffle Cake. A River Cottage recipe which was made by Katy. Very rich and very delicious.
4. Mulled Wine Jelly. Made by me. Terribly alcoholic. Needs some work as it didn't set as well as I'd hoped. Recipe from Sunday Times magazine.
5. Apple Tart. Source unknown. Brought by Ploppypants.
6. Christmas Pudding. Shop bought. Brought by Jenny.
7. Pear Sponge. Thrown together by me on Christmas Eve after Bert's Aunt Lizzie requested it for Christmas Day lunch. At centre of culinary disaster when it 'sliped' out off dish on to oven door during cooking. Was sliped back in and served up anyway.
There would have been eight puddings had I remembered to make the 'Special' Brownies. Perhaps the forgetting was God's way of telling me that excess should have some limits.
Tiramisu recipe (Serves 6 incredibly greedy people OR around a dozen folk with six other puddings to fall back on)Ingredients:
300 g (10 1/2 oz) dark chocolate
400 g (14 oz) mascarpone cheese
150 ml/5 fl oz (2/3 cup) double (heavy) cream, whipped until it just holds its shape
400 ml/14 fl oz black coffee with 50 g (1 3/4 oz) caster (superfine) sugar, cooled
6 tbsp dark rum or brandy
36 sponge fingers (lady-fingers)
about 400 g (14 oz) cocoa powder, to dust
1. Melt the chocolate in a bowl set over a saucepan of simmering water, stirring occasionally. Leave the chocolate to cool slightly, then stir it into the mascarpone and cream.
2. Mix the coffee and rum together in a bowl. Dip the sponge fingers (lady-fingers) into the mixture briefly so that they absorb the liquid but do not become soggy.
3. Place 3 sponge fingers on 3 (4?) serving plates.
4. Spoon a layer of the mascarpone and chocolate mixture over the sponge fingers.
5. Place 3 more sponge fingers on top of the mascarpone layer. Spread another layer of mascarpone and chocolate mixture and place 3 more sponge fingers on top.
6. Leave the tiramisu to chill in the refridgerator for at least 1 hour. Dust with a little cocoa powder just before serving.
Cook's Tip: Tiramisu can also be served semi-frozen, like ice cream. Freeze the tiramisu for 2 hours and serve immediately as it defrosts very quickly.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
She can't hear general conversation any more and she can feel very left out, so speak loudly and clearly and directly towards her when you can. Talk about things she'd be interested in too.
Yeah Ma. We know.
Katy can always be relied upon to keep the craic going. We were all sitting there scoffing away, listening to nice baroque music while Katy is regaling us with stories of summer festivals.
Yeah! They wouldn't let us bring alcohol into the park and we were going to see the Happy Mondays! You can't be sober when it's the Happy Mondays. So Mark and I drank a litre of vodka before we went in. We were completely wankered!
I break in and speak to Bert's Aunt Lizzie,
You do know what 'wankered' means Lizzie?
Oh yes dear. I heard them talking about it on Big Brother.
Sometimes Pearlie's deafness is a blessing.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
It's enough to turn you vegetarian.
To absent friends & family, to all fellow bloggers, to everybody. Have a good one.
Monday, December 24, 2007
Despite this setback I still intend to offer six different desserts over the Christmas holidays.
After an hour or so one of our number proposed that we regroup in a hostelry near Randalstown! Some might argue (and did) that this inn wasn’t a beagle’s gowl off Tannaghmore and it wasn’t that far away from two of County Antrim’s leading mental hospitals either. There were more than a few of the patients in the R..... I.. enjoying a lovely meal and Christmas day out with their parents/carers.
Owing to the secrecy surrounding this event there are no photographs. Instead here are a couple of snaps of some of the other diners we came across.
Nursing staff from the Idiot Savant ward at H....... Hospital pretending to enjoy themselves whilst out with their charges. It's not an easy job they do. Money wouldn't pay you.
When I worked in homeless care I was lucky to get a handful of Quality Street at Christmas. Working for CD I got lots of lovely gifts from bosses, colleagues and customers. And a bonus. And lunch with fifty brawny builders.
So that's Christmas started.
There seems to be very little coming through on Google Reader these days so I can only assume that most bloggers are too busy in the run up to Christmas to
put pen to paper fingers to keyboards.
I’m as busy as the next blogger but I’ll try to find a little bit of time to blog Christmas on the trot. Or maybe trotters, as the Season is already sapping my dietary will power.
It all started on Friday lunchtime when work came to an end…
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Instead I bought blueberries. From Argentina.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
I was working in Spide City, trying to prevent psychotic pregnant teenagers from killing each other.
She went mental when she discovered that they’d gone without her and taken all the money and cigarettes. So when they got back it was non-stop aggro for about three hours. I think I prevented them from actually getting physical and I also prevented Looby Lou from throwing a television set down the stairs. But it was an exhausting experience. When things happen at work it takes longer to do the paperwork and I did not get out of the building until nearly 5pm.
Two years ago:
Bert decided that dismantling the turf shed was the 'numero uno' thing to do for Christmas 2005.
The house is upside down, it’s Christmas in five minutes and we’ve got lots of people coming. When I was writing my Christmas list of things to do I had ‘dismantle roof of turf shed’ right at the top just before ‘order turkey’ and ‘buy presents’.
Needless to say he never finished the job after the fun part was over. The fun part being when he pulled the shed roof down with the tractor.
One year ago:
I completed my first teaching practice session. Now I'm fully qualified and still working as PA, desk-jockey and Jill-of-all-trades for CD. I hear today he's planning to computerise the site foremen. And who better to train them than Her Nellyness? They can't wait and neither can I.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Was it awful?
Aye. It was a bit. But I thought...if I'm going to be eating some of those turkeys then I should, at least, give a hand in the killing and getting them ready for the table.
That Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall way of thinking is definitely getting through to somebody.
Did you do any of the killing?
No. I just plucked.
How many were there?
Thirteen turkeys and four roosters.
Roosters. We should have got at least one of ours ready for the pot.
Which one? Mervyn?
No! Not Mervyn. He's too handsome. One of those two that look the same.
Which one? Orange Legs or Green Legs?
No. Not Green Legs. I like Green Legs.
Seems like we'll not be eating broth for a day or two yet.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Monday, December 10, 2007
Rosie: Sheesh! If he doesn't quit that oul caterwauling soon my ears are going to start bleeding.
Paddy: I like it. Spanish Eyes is a big favourite of mine. Which do you think's the best? The Al Martino version or the Elvis version?
Rosie: Anything other than the Bert version!
Bonnie: I wish Nelly would come home.
Rosie: Give over! You've got Nelly on the brain!
Paddy: Aye! You've got Nellyitis! Anyway if Nelly thought as much of you as you think of her she'd have taken you with her!
Rosie: I heared she was taking Gracie with her.
Bonnie: Shut up.
Paddy: Wheesht! I hear something. It's Nelly's car!
Rosie: Look at that big Bonnie slabber gazing lovingly out the window waiting for Nelly to come in and say, 'How's my big darling girl?'
Bonnie: Shut up.
Paddy: Shit! Rosie, look! It's...is it...It is! Hannah!!!
Rosie: Oh fuck! Shit! Ohmigod! It is. Hannah! I'm going to go mental. I'm going to run round in crazy circles jumping from one sofa to the next! Look at me! I'm doing it!
Paddy: She's baaaacck! It's Hannah! I'm so fucking excited. Woof! Woof!!! WOOOOFFF!
Bonnie: Who's Hannah?
Sunday, December 09, 2007
It's not easy getting up on these dark winter mornings. These chaps are a great help in bringing forth Nellybert from the Land of Nod. They start around six am. Anyone got a good chicken broth recipe?
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Article gives advice such as don't drink whole milk, cut down on bread, eat undressed salads, drink water or fruit juice instead of soda and eat more slowly.
How are you supposed to lose this awesome 10lbs if you're not taking whole milk, salad dressings, bread or sodas anyway?
Instead I'm going to follow Swisser's advice. After all she is an internationally rated food scientist (for real). Swisser says that conventional calorie reducing diets don't work. She says that you must confuse your body by occasionally having a bit of a splurge to keep the metabolism working speedily. With this excellent and truly inspiring advice in mind I have splurged tonight on a bottle of Pinot Grigio.
Yay! Defying government guide lines and conventional dietary advice in one action. The wine wasn't even red. I'm such a rebel. A drunken rebel.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
D'ye not think it's time we had our own perfume?
What do you think it should smell of? Does clematis have a smell?
It should be a smell associated with us as a couple. What d'ye think?
Definitely should smell of dogs then.
Wet, dirty scunging devil dogs?
And wood smoke. Should smell of wood smoke.
And pigs. Definitely pigs.
D'ye think dogs and wood smoke and pig aromas would be good?
Might be a bit minging.
We'd need to liven it up somehow. Something nice and fresh. Zesty.