Bert's New Toy

Projects at Nellybert’s can take some considerable time. One that seems to have been going on forever is the upstairs bathroom. It was always useable as it contained the standard bath, toilet and wash basin. However not many people, other that the utterly shameless Nellybert, did use it for there were no curtains and only one window with frosted glass. The other window looked out over the road and would have afforded passing motorists an excellent view of whoever happened to be easing their bladder or bowels at the time. Eventually I purchased some gorgeous curtains from EBay and after a couple of months Bert put up curtain track and it was only a few weeks later that I got round to hanging the curtains.

The gorgeous poppy curtains

That achievement spurred us on because it wasn’t long before Bert embarked on boxing in the bath. He used old pine tongue and groove panelling that had featured in the bathroom before we’d renovated the house. It was at this stage that we regretted using a wood effect vinyl floor covering for the two woodinesses (antique and faux) laughed at each other.

The panelled bath

But there was still the space at the end of the bath. We’d considered a piece of old furniture for this and had left the floor uncovered until we found it.

The space at the end of the bath

Eventually I decided that Bert would build me a shelving unit. Plans were discussed. Plans were even drawn. Leitrim Sister had an idea, West Belfast Social Worker had another idea, Bert had an even better idea – or so he has convinced me. The only thing was – Bert’s idea needed a Compound Mitre Saw! I’m not sure what this actually does (Bert assures me it is an essential) but this I do know – men should always be encouraged to buy expensive power tools because it gives women such leverage when it comes to getting things done around the house.

You've spent all that money and I’m still waiting for my shelves, table, bed whatever!

Bert's new toy

There's Always Somebody Worse Off

Early morning Boxing Day I'm lying in bed listening to four bloody cocks trying to out-crow each other and I'm thinking,

Could anyone be having a harder time trying to have a lie-in than me?

So I got up. A short time afterwards I heard a whooshing, crashing sound and then Katy started to roar and shout...

I shout up the stairs.

What's happened? Are you alright?

Katy answers,

Bloody ceiling's fell on top of me. Top of my head. And I was just having a lovely lie-in. First in months.

Oh my God.

I race up the stairs.

Bert, Bert! Did you hear that? Ceiling's fell on top of Katy and Mark.

Aye. I heared.
Teddy was rather shaken by the incident but, thankfully, unhurt.

Nor was there was damage done to the antique lamp shade, to the ancient beams or to Katy's big curly noggin..