In The News Today

For about a year now I've been reading and following the escalating, 'Migrant Crisis' and I've talked about it with many of the various folk that I come across and found it disheartening that so many of them held such hard and unfeeling attitudes to refugees. Of course I tried to change their minds.

But now...are attitudes beginning to change? There are far more of us who realise that this is a truly horrendous situation and that these desperate, desperate people need our help. It is as if there is a new spirit, a new way of thinking about things. Not all can be saved but we must try to save as many as we can.

There are two people in my life who put this much better than I can. The first is my daughter Hannah who wrote this on Facebook today.

I consciously try to keep my facebook page light hearted but I couldn't ignore the headlines today. Y'know, there's more than enough of the world's resources to offer every single human being shelter, food, and safety. More than enough! What the world is really lacking in is love, kindness, compassion and a willingness to share.

The second is my friend Hayley who wrote this excellent post. It is well worth reading.

You will have seen the photograph of Aylan Kurdi, the little Syrian boy washed up on the Turkish beach. He, his brother and his mother where among the more than 2500 who have drowned in the Mediterranean this year alone. It is a heart-rending image and so very far removed from the scores of pictures we've seen this September of our children heading out to their first day at schools and kindergartens. I wish he could have been one of them.

Kobane -  the war-torn town the Kurdi family were fleeing. 

The Lorry Jumpers

September again, early hours. I stayed up to watch The Lorry Jumpers, a documentary about some of the people who try to get into the UK from the port of Calais. It was powerful and sometimes painful to watch and I was shocked by the behaviour of the French police. They were brutal. It one harrowing scene an officer actually beat up the documentary maker, Leo Maguire.

Some of the people featured managed to make it to Britain. The film showed them in their grim little flats and they spoke of their hopes and dreams and their gratitude to be in a place where they could work and be safe.

David Cameron referred to migrants as a 'swarm', and one vile commenter (I won't name her) called refugees 'cockroaches'. To me they seem brave and courageous. I believe they can make our countries better places.

A Disappointing Tale

I am tired of Wayne Rooney's dalliances with saloon girls and bored to tears with the jailed stoner George Michael's antics. Except George, really! Smashing up Snappy Snaps - that could have been my youngest daughter in there.

But all these celebrities clamouring for our attention - who cares?

Then imagine my delight when I saw this headline. CANNIBAL STAR EATS NEIGHBOUR. Who could it be? John Travolta? I wouldn't put anything past him. He's well weird. It certainly wouldn't be Angelina or any of the skinny ones for they wouldn't risk the calories. Maybe Tom Cruise? He's another strange one. Vanessa Feltz? I could see her eating a neighbour. She's full of hunger and anger. Or maybe it was that wicked Jeremy Clarkson of Top Gear. He would take up cannibalism just to be provocative.

Then I clicked on the story. Oh well.

Yeah Right!!!!! Utter Rubbish

Sophie from Belfast had this to say about Victoria Beckham on the Mail Online site.

Victoria is obviously a UK size 4 or if she is a little bit heavier a size 6. She is therefore the equivalent of a US size zero. As for 'claims she does eat properly and puts her thin frame down to being a busy mother-of-three and hectic business woman.' Yeah right!!!!! That will really help with womens' self exteem. Utter rubbish.

I confess I enjoy reading the dick comments on this site. So many people getting their knickers in a twist over stuff that dinna matter. Cunning old Daily Mail reeling us in. Not all of us obviously as I'm sure the cerebrals don't look near it.

So. Anyways. It seems, according to Sophie, that women's "self exteem" hangs on the skinniness of Mrs Beckham who is only waif-like because she keeps busy-busy-busy. And doesn't eat huge quantities of chocolate and cake either I'll be bound. Ooh my "self exteem" does ache as does my tum full of birthday chocolate.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1311086/Skinny-Victoria-Beckham-bans-size-zero-models-New-York-Fashion-Week-show.html#ixzz0zEgn5mx9

Dead Cow In The Middle Of The Weir

'A dead cow, which has been trapped in a weir in Omagh for three days, has not been rescued yet.'

Spotted in Google Reader. How in the name of anything does one 'rescue' a dead cow?

Evil Cat Torturers Are Everywhere

Recent Silly Season items in the news.

Slightly Demented Woman Puts Kitty Cat In A Bin And The World Goes Mad

Slightly Demented Woman Pees On a War Memorial And Performs A Sex Act On A Straggly-Haired Male

Slightly Demented Woman Sings For The Pope It Was All She Ever Dreamed Of

OK - so it is really nice for Susan Boyle that she gets to sing for the Pope. Although I bet she wishes it wasn't Pope Bendydick. I bet she'd have preferred that charismatic Pope before him.

Then there was the wino that peed on the War Memorial. I agree that it wasn't very ladylike of her and it was certainly very disrespectful behaviour but - how can we expect someone who probably has zero respect for herself to respect a Memorial? A lot of fuss and nonsense about nothing in my opinion.

And although I am fond of animals I think that the furore caused by the woman who popped Tiddles in the wheelie bin to be excessive. It seemed like a nutty thing to do but she didn't tie firecrackers to its tail, she didn't put it in a microwave, she didn't hit it with a rock. A sense of perspective is needed here. There was video footage recently that showed two young men punching a grandfather in the street causing injuries that ultimately killed him and there wasn't anything like the same fuss made about it.

And we mustn't forget Lindsay Lohan, Courtney Love and your one who sang 'Mercy' on The X Factor. Roll on the month of September when hopefully we will hear less about slightly demented women.

The Dead May Go Unmourned By Me

Well for feck's sake!

Since Matty got a bit forgetful I've got into the habit of regularly checking the Irish News death notices, just in case a neighbour or far out relation popped their clogs and herself forgot to mention it to me. What could be more excruciating than bumping into an old school chum and blithely enquiring after the health of their aged parent, only to be informed that said aged parent passed away several weeks ago?

This afternoon I attempted my usual log on and found that the Irish News had removed their free access to the family notices and replaced it with a subscription only service. I suppose journalists and newspaper workers need to earn a penny too but I'll not be subscribing. Far better, if I must, to buy the bloody paper then I'll at least have something to line the compost bin with. 

Couldn't someone, anyone, get our Aunt Em, who is sharp as a tack and an avid Irish News reader, on to the web and then she could provide us with an email service, alerting those who live far, far away  in the wilds of Cullybackey, Dingle and Vancouver to bereavements in the community. I think that would be an excellent idea. A laptop in Aunt Em's Christmas stocking Mr Santa - if you please!

Are You Ready To Get Your Butt Kicked?

Ms Debbie Rowe, Scourge of the Paparazzi & Heroine of the Hour

Ooh Matron!

Matronly Woman's Hour presenter Jenni Murray, 59, informs an audience at the Hay Festival that she lost her virginity as a teenager with a 'half English, half Turkish' boyfriend to the sound of Jose Feliciano's Sixties hit Light My Fire. Far too much information! 

So writes Ephraim Hardcastle in the Daily Mail. I wonder what part of Ms Murray's disclosure exceeded the Hardcastle information threshold? Was it the ethnicity of Jenni's lover? Or was it that unfortunate soundtrack to their coupling? Or were his sensibilities offended at the very idea of a middle-aged woman having a sex life, or even the remembrance of a sex life? 

But you know what the truly shocking thing is? What the hell is Nelly doing reading the Daily Mail?

There's No Such Thing As Bad Publicity

Two overpaid presenters have been suspended from the BBC for making obscene phone calls/remarks on Radio Two. And this is the big story on the news. Because one of them, a shagger extraordinaire, did the rude thing with some actor's granddaughter and then the pair of them taunted the poor man about it.

Now the granddaughter, fetching little article she is too, has got a huge mega-boost of publicity for her showbiz career and we're all saying,

Him out of Fawlty Towers? Didn't even know he was still alive.

Sad about Ross and Brand though. Still I expect they'll weather the storm.

Film & Book

Monday was our first Pearl-free evening in ages. I got very mellow indeed and watched Cave of the Yellow Dog. I adored it. Hardly anything actually happened but it was mesmerising. In some way it was like a documentary but without the irritating voiceover. No Ewan McGregor or Bill Paterson intoning, "The family are now taking down their yurt.."

One of the most enjoyable wildlife documentaries I ever watched was on Portuguese telly with the sound turned down. I think voiceovers are greatly over rated and frequently patronising. But back to that film - I'd definitely recommend it. Maybe have a nice cup of Earl Grey, wee special brownie...

And I read The Shack. A rare read indeed. Not my usual thing at all. It didn't do me a bit of harm and maybe a wee bit of good.

Be Nice To Nettles Week

The sooner I get music in my car for my daily trek to work the better because the radio is starting to annoy me. I must be getting really old and fogeyish when even Radio 4 gets on my nerves. It bothers and irks me every single morning.

Take today’s offerings:

The deplorable state of the housing market That's hardly a cheery start to the working day when you work in that very field yourself. But I did surprise myself when I became exasperated enraged at a 'spokesperson' using the word ‘exasperate’ when he meant ‘exacerbate’. Little wonder the industry is in turmoil when that is the best we can do.

Then there was this:

Apparently there is a new film being made of Brideshead Revisited. This was last seen on our screens as a television series in 1981. I don’t know what I was getting up to back then but it certainly wasn’t watching that. I was well aware of the fuss surrounding it, for who couldn’t be. I just read the book. It's not one of his best.

So Radio 4 takes the screenwriter Jeremy Brock to meet with Sir John Mortimer the man responsible for the original adaptation. Aaargh! It was cringey. Mortimer is obviously mightily miffed at the film being made at all and kept saying in his querulous little old man's voice,

Just read the book.

No need for a film.

There had better be homosexuality and religion.

And teddy bears.

And why don't you write something original?

Like Rumpole.

Obviously a change of tune from when he took the gig back in the late seventies. Brock talked to Mortimer in the tones of a concerned and friendly geriatrician and reassured him that the film was replete with homosexual teddy bears. But the whole thing was just awful. I didn’t know who I wanted to shake the hardest – the Radio 4 production team or Sir John.

The only thing that was worth listening to was this story on the use of nettles. Zoë and D were out here the other week gathering nettle shoots for soup that D said was very yummy indeed. Apparently they can also be used as a substitute for spinach. I love spinach so I’d better hurry up as the nettle harvesting season is nearly over.

And would you believe that nettles can also be turned into a linen like cloth? I’d like to see and wear that. It’s not very common as hardly anyone is manufacturing it.I wonder if you can make cloth out of dockens. If so then the farmer who has the ground next to us could become a very wealthy man indeed.

Here’s a recipe for Nettle Soup. I must try it myself before nettles become all tough and hairy like a le…. No! I cannot say that. Ganching would kill me.

Ingredients

½ carrier bag full of nettles, tops or young leaves
55g butter
1 large or 2 medium onions, finely sliced
1 large carrot, chopped (optional)
2 celery sticks, chopped (optional)
1 large garlic clove, crushed (optional)
1 litre good chicken, fish or vegetable stock
a pinch of freshly grated nutmeg (optional)
3 tablespoons cooked rice or 3 rice cakes
2 tablespoons thick cream or crème fraiche
salt and freshly ground black pepper


To Garnish:
A little extra cream or crème fraiche
A small bunch of chives, chopped
A few sprigs of wild chervil or parsley, chopped

Method

Pick over the nettles and wash them thoroughly. Discard only the tougher stalks, as the soup will be liquidised. Melt the butter in a large pan and sweat the onion, plus the carrot, celery and garlic if using, until soft but not brown. Add the stock and pile in the nettles. Bring to the boil and simmer for 5-10 minutes, until the nettles are tender. Season with salt and pepper, and with nutmeg if you wish. Puree the soup in a liquidiser with the cooked rice or rice cakes (you will probably have to do this in 2 batches). Return to a clean pan, stir in the cream and reheat, but do not let it boil. Check the seasoning, then serve, garnishing each bowl with a swirl of cream and a generous sprinkling of chopped herbs.

To serve cold:
An alternative is to serve this soup cold. After liquidising and adding the cream, pour the soup into a bowl and leave to cool, then transfer to the fridge for a couple of hours before serving. For accelerated cooling, fill a large basin or saucepan with ice cubes and water and place the bowl of soup in the iced water. Stir to chill, adding more ice cubes if the first batch melts. Stir well just before serving and ladle the soup out into bowls. Garnish each with a swirl of cream and a sprinkling of chopped chives and wild chervil.

Serves 6

Recipe found on this dear old Radio 4 site

The Cyrus Affair

I’m reminded of the 1969 Blind Faith album cover.

That caused a bit of controversy at the time (the cover had to be changed for the US market) but nothing compared to the Miley Cyrus Affair.

The cops would be interviewing the photographer, Bob Seidemann, if he took that picture today.

My opinion? I’ve changed my mind about a lot of things since I was sixteen but I thought then that Seidemann’s picture was beautiful, not salacious at all and I still think that.

Incidentally Seidemann’s model, Mariora Goschen, who was 11-years-old when the picture was taken, works today as a massage therapist.

Matty Reads The Irish News

But she didn't get it yesterday morning. And there were none left in Antrim Tesco when we were doing the Thursday night shop.

Was it the crossword you wanted?

Och. Not really. There was a picture of the weans from Tannaghmore in it because of the amount they gathered up for Trocaire over Lent. I'd like to have seen that. Some of that money was from me y'know!

Matty loves the Irish News crossword. She especially loves the Saturday prize crossword and sends it off every week. She's been a prize winner a few times too.

On the way home I picked her up a copy of the Irish News. At home Hannah tried to pinch it for the crossword but I fended her off.

This evening I said to Matty,

Had to beat Hannah off your crossword. I told her it was your favourite thing in the paper.

Aye. It is. That and the deaths.

I Blame Flann O'Brien

Where have I been? How could I have missed this?

Seems that if it's not on Radio 4 between the hours of 8:30-9am I just don't get to hear about it.

It was Facebook (bless it) that alerted me to this story which I find interesting on several levels.

The first is that it occurred in a hostel and that the cleaners who discovered this man engaged in an act of fornication with his bicycle were "extremely shocked". Psshah! They must have been working in hostels for about five minutes if that shocked them.

Secondly - the hostel manager called the police. Why? What harm was the man doing? Did the bicycle care? I'd say the manager didn't like the cut of the bike-shagger's jib and just wanted him out. You have to wonder, what if Mr Bikeman had been engaged in an act of passion with a blowup doll or a hollowed out pumpkin or Liver a la Portnoy? Would that have been more acceptable? I knew a bloke once who claimed to have shagged a hole in a tree. I wonder where you are now Mr Tony Murray from Antrim town. Last I heard working at the counter in the dole office. Made a change from standing on the other side of it anyway.

Anyways - back to the cycle-rider. It made me think, as I often do,  of the human-bicycle interchange theory expounded in 'The Third Policeman' . Perhaps yerman wanted to speed that process up a bit.

Tragedy

Who could not be affected by the awful tragedy in Omagh? A whole family has been wiped out in one dreadful act and that the act was apparently carried out by the father of the family only increases the horror of it.

For most of us it is unimaginable. Is that why, all today, I’ve been hearing terrible accusations made against the father? It must be because we cannot possibly conceive of any circumstance in which we would deliberately murder the ones we love most of all?

It seems to me that people have become very quick to judge others who have experienced, or are a part of, the loss of children. Obviously the Madeleine McCann disappearance comes to mind here. The most hateful stories have been circulating about the McCanns even though we, the public, do not have the facts, we were not there and we do not know. I think we make little of ourselves by circulating these salacious stories.

Perhaps it’s the fault of today’s ‘celebrity culture’. When people like Barrymore, Winehouse and Spears, not to mention a legion of reality ‘stars’ make a soap opera of their lives, the rest of us think that’s how it should be for anyone who slips into the public consciousness.

The difference, of course, is that Barrymore et al choose to live their lives in public. Those people hit by loss and tragedies do not. You could argue that the McCanns sought publicity after their daughter disappeared. Maybe they were naïve enough to think it would do some good, would help. We certainly disabused them of that notion.

I’m sure there will be people who disagree with me on this. And maybe you’re right and I’m wrong. Maybe the McCanns are evil hoodwinkers and maybe those stories I heard today about the Omagh family are true. But all I’m saying here is that we don’t know. And that by passing on and repeating the nasty stories we are making ourselves smaller, meaner people.

Bert the Republican

Bert is perusing yesterday's paper.

I see oul Cherie wouldn't curtsey for the Queen.

Didn't she?

Oul Maggie curtseyed.

But Maggie's a traditional Tory. Did you see how she and the Queen were dressed almost identically?

Probably got their outfits in the same place. Top Shop likely.

Likely.

So oul Cherie won't curtsey for the Queen. I don't think I'd curtsey for her either.

Cough! Splutter!

What!? What'd I say! Do men not curtsey?

Pity Poor Paris

Celebrity heiress Paris Hilton is backing an online petition seeking a pardon of her 45-day prison sentence because she enlivens "mundane" lives.

Well I don't know about the rest of you but my mundane life will certainly be brightened as I think of her doing jail time.

Dry your eyes Paris! If you can't do the time then you shouldn't a done the crime.

I'll bet she gets off anyway.

Scrabble

Bert: Is ‘uj’ a word?

Nelly: No. Say Swisser what do you think about Paris Hilton going to jail?

Swisser: I think it’s just terrible that they’re sending her to jail. Now what am I going to do with these two Vs? Is Scrabble supposed to have two Vs?

Hannah: Ours does.

Nelly: Well she did keep on driving even after she was banned for being under the influence. How long are you going to be?

Hannah: Here Swisser let me see…you could get ‘motive’ in there. That would get rid of one of your Vs.

Swisser: Excellent. Thanks Hannah. So Paris Hilton thought she could do what she liked? Maybe she does deserve jail.

Bert: Huh! Hannah just wants you to open up the board so she can get at that triple letter word.

Nelly: So? She’ll hardly beat you now not with that lead. Anyway I can’t see Paris Hilton doing jail time. She’ll get off somehow. It’ll give her a scare though.

Swisser: Why are rich and powerful people so corrupt?

Nelly: They’re not all like that. We just don’t hear so much about the ones who act decently.

Swisser: Well I was reading in the Times last week, maybe you seen it, about this group of rich and powerful German businessmen who organised so-called business trips with private jets, fancy hotels, cocaine and prostitutes. Then they’d buy £5000 trinkets to keep their wives happy.

Nelly: Hear that Bert? You buy me £5000 trinkets and you get to go with prostitutes.

Bert: Huh! What would you do with a £5000 trinket?

Swisser: More to the point Bert – what would you do with a prostitute?

Bert: Very droll. Nice one Swisser.

Hannah: Or you could use that extra V and make ‘votive’.

Swisser: Votive? That’s not a word.

Nelly: It sure is. But too late now. You’re not having it.

Radio Stars

Bert was not one bit impressed that Ed got to meet Hugo Duncan.

He was ripping, though, that I did not use my new-found BBC connections to wangle some inside info on his hero - Gerry Anderson.