Monday, July 03, 2006

Toning Down The Bust

Despite her protests this post is going to be about bosoms but as my mother will be writing it, it will be done in the best possible taste. I hand you over to Me Ma.

Well here we are then writing on Nelly’s block. It’s just a wee bit of advice I have for any of youse ones that suffer from a big bust. Like our poor Nelly has God love her. I don’t know where she got it from for nobody else on our side of the family ever had one and anyway we always thought it cheapened the look of a girl and attracted the wrong kind of boys.

The first and most important thing for toning down the bust is to wear a good bra. There’s a lot of talk about cup sizes and so on but I believe the most important thing is for the bra to be made of good thick material and to cover as much as the bust as you can for there is nothing as bad-looking as your you-know-whats sticking out. If your you-know-whats are particularly bad at sticking out then a good thick Wolsley vest might be the answer. You could try wearing your bra over your vest too.

I wouldn’t be on for showing the bust at all. There’s a great go on at the minute for women on the TV with their busts on show and I don’t think that’s right at all. So I’d advise girls to keep their necklines high and watch their top buttons. If you are wearing a blouse that buttons up the front it might be a good thing to get a bigger size to keep the buttons from bursting open for that makes a girl look very cheap and attracts the wrong sort of boys.

Too tight clothes are another problem. I’m on for good-fitting clothes for they help the look of the figure but I wouldn’t be on for clothes that are very tight and show the complete shape of you. So watch out for the tight clothes if you want to tone down your bust and you don’t want to attract the wrong sort of boys.  


The Swearing Lady said...

I followed your advice, Ma Nelly, but a load of Victorian gentlemen followed me home. I think these are the wrong kind of boys, being dead for the last century.

What can I do?

Nelly's Ma said...

I cannot understand what can have happened there.

The sort of boys you should have attracted would be farmers with pioneer pins, the sort thatwould be good to their oul mothers and attend mass regularly. The sort of boy who would be full of carry-on (the right sort 0f carry-on), read Ireland's Own, like ceilidh music and blush at oul rough talk.

hootchinhannah said...

Ah, so that's why Jamie's been hanging about me like a bad rash. I need to get me one of them vests.

Nelly said...

Do you have them in Nixt! Get me one to size XXL.

hootchinhannah said...

Think we have some in the Men's dept. You;ll only need XL then.

Ronni said...




Is that the wool/linen blend that they used to make vests out of that went with school uniforms?


Boy! All this shuddering is making my you-know-whats happy!

Ronni said...

Meant to say that I never did have much luck attracting the wrong sort of boys.

Thank you, Nelly's Ma, for 'splaining why.

Nelly said...

That's the very ones Ronni. They were all rightish when new but a bit scritchy-scratchy after they'd been in the washtub a few times.

Ronni said...

If you can wear those, you can wear anything!