Tuesday, July 04, 2006

What Have I Reared? (She Despaired)

A Hussy’s Advice

I hope Hannah's granny never reads this.

…..a more modern day approach to bosoms. The first rule is to show as much cleavage as possible. This means wearing low cut top, shirts with all top 6 buttons undone, two belts or just a bra. If you aren't well-endowed and haven't got much of a cleavage there are ways to cheat. Wonderbras, push up bras, balcony bras, magic bras or chicken fillets will all give you the appearance of having more of a bust. However, think about how disappointed your man will be when he undresses you. Really the only thing to do is get a breast enlargement.The second rule is to always be alert. This means that if your you-know-whats aren't standing to attention you should immediately place yourself in a cool area, such as a walk-in freezer. This is harder during the warmer seasons so you'll have to rely mainly on your cleavage or alternatively, you could flash them. Golden rules: You should always draw attention to your bosoms. You should always stick out your chest when talking to men. You should always show a bit of cleavage and a bit of leg. Remember, your bosoms are your weapon, attack and conquer with them. No man, especially the wrong type of man, can resist the womanly charms of your heaving bust.


Blogger CyberScribe said...

Where can I go to get fitted correctly, not for a bra, for a helmet in case I get attacked by a couple of these walking down Cullybackey Main Street ;-)

11:06 pm  
Blogger Nelly said...

Halfords of Ballymena might be able to kit you out. Ask for young Bell and tell him I sent you.

11:20 pm  
Blogger hootchinhannah said...

Cyberscribe, if you were in Cullybackey you'd be needing more than a helment to protect you from the lady's you-know-whats.

7:14 am  
Anonymous ed said...

It seems that the ladies of Belfast have been following Hannah's advice. Why, you can't walk down the street without wimmen drawing attention to their bosoms.

Long may it continue, says I.

11:36 am  
Blogger Nelly said...

I fear that Ed might fall into the ranks of the wrong sort of boy. I'll bet he never opens Ireland's Own and dodges Mass!

2:27 pm  
Anonymous ed said...

You're absolutely right. I have never, not once, opened Ireland's Own while dodging Mass.

Although it might be fun. Join the good ol' boys outside the chapel, smoking pipes and reading the Ireland's Own personal ads, while the wimmen walk by drawing attention to their bosoms.

3:32 pm  
Blogger Nelly said...

The only way a dacint woman should draw attention to her bosoms is by wearing a supersized pioneer pin.

Of course if all women had under-nourished chests like the one Keira Knightly is currently sporting then youse wrong sort of boyos would have nothing to look a-tall.

5:06 pm  

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