Thursday, October 02, 2008

Sidebar Stories

d@\/e asked exactly how many eggs a day do we get from our 19 chickens? But there's a lot more happening around my sidebar than chickens.

Daughters - 3, Parents -1, Siblings - 6, Husband - 1, Dogs - 3, Cats - 1, Chickens - 19, Calves - 3 Pigs - 3

What of the daughters? All are doing well as far I know. See for yourself. This one is making ice cream. This one appears to be in France. This one is sounding off.

The parent (Matty) is doing fine. Spent this evening barrelling around Tescos filling her trolley with the sort of pap old women like - cooked ham, white bread, Marie biscuits and People's Friends. We always separate in Tescos. Matty does her own thing, I do mine. I meet my Cousin Eye. She and her beautiful daughter admire the contents of my trolley. Eye's beautiful daughter says it's a really healthy trolley. It contains oatcakes, a papaya, cambozola cheese, apples, three pairs of skimpy knickers (this mention of skimpy knickers is going to bring droves to my blog but mind you if I said I'd got Cherub knickers in my trolley that would really up my stats. Trust me. It happened before ) and two paperbacks. BTW the knickers are for Hannah. I don't do skimpy. When you get to my age you like to keep your kidneys warm.

I also meet Jazzer and her daughter Teeny Bird. Teeny Bird is wearing a tiny little vest top. Eveyone else in Tescos is bundled up in coats and woollies. Matty also bumps into Jazzer. They nod politely to each other. Matty does not approve of Jazzer. She has taken an unreasonable dislike to Jazzers facial piercings. She pretends she does not know her name. She pretends she thinks that Jazzer is called Gnasher.

So back to Matty. We meet up at the check out. She abandons her trolley for me to deal with and scuttles off to buy a scratch card. On the way home she fills me in on the current state of play of the parish feuds. Matty takes a keen interest in local politics but is wise enough not to get involved. Some of these feuds go back to the 1930s. But, as Matty says,

They're all very good to me.

Siblings - there are six of them. Two live and work in London and one of those is a blogger. One is in Vancouver. I believe he is an entrepreneur. Two live in Real Ireland. One of those has just come back from a pilgrimage to Santander and the other is a full-time student. The youngest sib lives next to Matty. I like to call him Jolly Joe. It's ironic. He reads this blog. Hi JJ!

Husband - the current one is very recent. We've only been married for eight weeks although I've known him for a bit longer than that. We were Nellybert long before Brangelina. Marriage hasn't changed our relationship much. We still bicker, I still blog, he still plays the clarinet.

Dogs Bonnie remains on her medication. Steroids. She drinks like a fish, pisses like a cow and eats like a horse. She is doing well. The other two still do that Dirty Rotten Scunging Devil Dog thing every time they get the opportunity.

Cat - a complete bastard. I don't really want to talk about her.

Calves - are still calves.

I asked Bert,

When do the calves become bullocks?

When you cut their balls off.

Pigs - I'm a little worried about the pigs. Bert has developed a bit of a 'relationship' with them. He keeps saying he'll never be able to eat them because he loves them so much. And there's us only newly married....

Which brings me to the chickens. Dave asked how many eggs do our 19 chickens provide us with. d@\/e, at present our 19 chickens lay one egg a day. That's right. One. Mind you at least a dozen of them are roosters. We shall eat them eventually. Pearlie gets the egg.


fiwa said...

Wow - only married 8 weeks? Congratulations!

19 chickens and you only get one egg a day? We've just been told we can have 3 chickens in our back yard (city limitations), and I was all excited. Now I'm thinking maybe I won't bother...

Father Tony of the Farmboyz said...

Life flies overhead like clouds. You raise your hands to heaven and life runs right through them so fast you don't even see it.

yellowdog granny said...

i have a feeling the newly married husband is getting more action than the roosters, or there would be a lot more eggs...

Nelly said...

There is a reason. The two oldest hens (battery rescues) are getting very old for laying. The remainder of the females are too young. Anyone buying chickens to keep in their back yard will be buying point of lay birds and will be getting plenty eggs.

By next Spring (if Foxy permits and we deter him with electric fencing now) it'll be omelettes and pancakes every day at Nellybert's.

evilganome said...

Only married 8 weeks. Are you saying you were living in sin all that time? Good for you.

I can see Bert's affection for the pigs. I've always been pretty fond of them myself.

As for chickens.... I have too many bad childhood memories of being attacked by the damned things.

It sounds like all it sailing along nicely. Enjoy the eggs and pancakes.

Grannymar said...

You make the pancakes and I'll bring the bacon!

Nelly said...

We're only married 8 weeks because I missed 5 Leap Year opportunities. Got him this year, ten to midnight, 29th February, with his drink on.

Grannymar - you'll probably need to bring the bacon seeing as Bert has fallen in love with the pigs.

sageweb said...

Oh my do you do it? I have a dog and spare neighborhood cats and they keep me busy. I love pigs too. But I also love bacon. My sister got lambs last year and told the kids not to name them. They did anyways, and when they have dinner they refer to whatever names they came up with. "We are having Mary for dinner" Makes me lose my appetite.

Father Tony of the Farmboyz said...

Once, in Rome, during the summer, I was at the villa in Castelgandofo, near the Pope's summer villa. I was taking care of a group of visitng American cardinals who were lounging by the pool. In a moment of mischief, I let a dozen huge pigs out of their pen. They rushed to the pool and attacked the cardinals who were forced to escape by jumping in the pool. The pigs meant no harm. They just wanted the edibles. It may be the funniest sight I have ever seen.