Fairest Ivy Think Kit

Happy Birthday Katy! I wish I could give you a big hug today.

Suffering Grandmas!

I am greatly maligned.

Firstly my youngest daughter informs the entire world that I might know what snot tastes like. As if!

Then the oldest daughter photoshops my thumb to make it look as big as a house. She must have done for there's no way my digit could ever look that gigantic.

Miss Martha

Mother's Day

The old girl who started it all

Matty has Leitrim Sister staying with her this weekend and, happily, this sister is a talented cook, who positively relishes making great food for squads of people.

So we've got a small clan gathering this afternoon - just the nine of us. More to tell later on.

Of course Mother's Day is not just for mothers - it's also about children, without whom Mother's Day would not be possible. I'll be seeing two of my girls today but I'll be thinking about my other girl, the newly-engaged Katy from Norfolk.

Big hugs and kisses for Katy. (Did I mention she is Engaged? To Be Married? To Mark?)

The three that made a Mammy out of me

Sidebar Stories

d@\/e asked exactly how many eggs a day do we get from our 19 chickens? But there's a lot more happening around my sidebar than chickens.

Daughters - 3, Parents -1, Siblings - 6, Husband - 1, Dogs - 3, Cats - 1, Chickens - 19, Calves - 3 Pigs - 3

What of the daughters? All are doing well as far I know. See for yourself. This one is making ice cream. This one appears to be in France. This one is sounding off.

The parent (Matty) is doing fine. Spent this evening barrelling around Tescos filling her trolley with the sort of pap old women like - cooked ham, white bread, Marie biscuits and People's Friends. We always separate in Tescos. Matty does her own thing, I do mine. I meet my Cousin Eye. She and her beautiful daughter admire the contents of my trolley. Eye's beautiful daughter says it's a really healthy trolley. It contains oatcakes, a papaya, cambozola cheese, apples, three pairs of skimpy knickers (this mention of skimpy knickers is going to bring droves to my blog but mind you if I said I'd got Cherub knickers in my trolley that would really up my stats. Trust me. It happened before ) and two paperbacks. BTW the knickers are for Hannah. I don't do skimpy. When you get to my age you like to keep your kidneys warm.

I also meet Jazzer and her daughter Teeny Bird. Teeny Bird is wearing a tiny little vest top. Eveyone else in Tescos is bundled up in coats and woollies. Matty also bumps into Jazzer. They nod politely to each other. Matty does not approve of Jazzer. She has taken an unreasonable dislike to Jazzers facial piercings. She pretends she does not know her name. She pretends she thinks that Jazzer is called Gnasher.

So back to Matty. We meet up at the check out. She abandons her trolley for me to deal with and scuttles off to buy a scratch card. On the way home she fills me in on the current state of play of the parish feuds. Matty takes a keen interest in local politics but is wise enough not to get involved. Some of these feuds go back to the 1930s. But, as Matty says,

They're all very good to me.

Siblings - there are six of them. Two live and work in London and one of those is a blogger. One is in Vancouver. I believe he is an entrepreneur. Two live in Real Ireland. One of those has just come back from a pilgrimage to Santander and the other is a full-time student. The youngest sib lives next to Matty. I like to call him Jolly Joe. It's ironic. He reads this blog. Hi JJ!

Husband - the current one is very recent. We've only been married for eight weeks although I've known him for a bit longer than that. We were Nellybert long before Brangelina. Marriage hasn't changed our relationship much. We still bicker, I still blog, he still plays the clarinet.

Dogs Bonnie remains on her medication. Steroids. She drinks like a fish, pisses like a cow and eats like a horse. She is doing well. The other two still do that Dirty Rotten Scunging Devil Dog thing every time they get the opportunity.

Cat - a complete bastard. I don't really want to talk about her.

Calves - are still calves.

I asked Bert,

When do the calves become bullocks?

When you cut their balls off.


Pigs - I'm a little worried about the pigs. Bert has developed a bit of a 'relationship' with them. He keeps saying he'll never be able to eat them because he loves them so much. And there's us only newly married....

Which brings me to the chickens. Dave asked how many eggs do our 19 chickens provide us with. d@\/e, at present our 19 chickens lay one egg a day. That's right. One. Mind you at least a dozen of them are roosters. We shall eat them eventually. Pearlie gets the egg.

Wanna Thin Sexy Shit?

Or, in other words, Hannah is twenty-six. Happy Birthday sweetheart!

Happy Birthday Zoe

Zoe, originally uploaded by hootchinhannah.

My oldest daughter's birthday. Happy birthday love. Hope you're having a great day.

In Which I Attend A Meeting of the Flat Earth Society

Zoe, Hannah and myself took ourselves off for a day trip to Belfast. We got one of those new-fangled electric trains. The noise of it was horrendous. I was lamenting to Zoe about how horrid modern trains are compared to the homely chuff-chuff noise I remember from the steam trains of my youth. I don't know why she thought this was hilarious. Had I been standing then on the platform in Antrim waiting for the parish excursion train to Portrush and one of today's trains had cruised in I'd have thought we'd been invaded by aliens from another galaxy.

Our first port of call was St George's Market where we spent a pleasant hour or so looking at, eating and buying delicious food.

Then the girls...

couldn't be kept out of the shops to browse through the exciting spring fashion arrivals. Sadly I found it all too easy as the shops are full of the clothes that we wore in the seventies and they are just as vile now as they were then. So it was I was standing outside Primark when I saw two handsome and well-dressed young fellows approaching. I hailed them to a stop and it wasn't long before we were engaged in a philosophical conversation centring round the provability of the globosity of the Earth. Truly Belfast is an amazing place because this almost never happens to me whilst standing outside the Spar in Cullybackey.

So it was that Zoe found me and I have to say the expression on her face was one of total horror. She is always unhappy when she finds me in the company of the Flat Earthers.

Hannah is much more tolerant and so it was that she and I allowed ourselves to be carried off by the Flat Earthers while Zoe made good her escape to the safety and sanity of Ballymena....

I'll continue this tale tomorrow when I'm in a more sober frame of mind.

My Girl

Time to knit a couple of rows, originally uploaded by ZMB.