Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Bert Does Not Get It Easy

Bert has been stung by his bees many, many times. He usually gets attacked about five times a week. He has been stung on the face, the neck, the arms, his bum, and his ankles. I asked him,
Is there any part of your body that you haven't been stung on?
He answered,
My penis.
He has been pretty stoical about it, which I didn't expect, as he can be very babyish about nettle stings and whinges for hours after.

It's not just the bees, for our pigs are also proving hazardous to Bert's health and well-being. They can be very rough with him. He has a great bruise on the back of his calf where one of them bit him. He reckons it thought he was taking far too much time getting the scoff out to them. So far, the worst thing that has happened to me was last time I fed them whilst wearing one of my good red Monsoon skirts (I have at least three red ones) and got it all clarried with muck and pig drool what with them snurfling and crowding around me. I'd be too scared to go in with them now.

Still - if they're going to cut up rough with us we'll feel far less guilty when they're sausages. Unless....unless they eat us first.


Willie_W said...

Walk softly and carry a big stick.... Or maybe an extremely small stick for the bees, I suppose...

Grannymar said...

Tell Bert to sting the bees back! That should do it.... or get the pigs to stomp on them! ;)

evilganome said...

Mmmmm..... honey glazed sausages. Good luck to Bert, it sounds like the critters want to get a bit of their own back before they wind up on the dinner table.

sageweb said...

Fresh bacon sounds amazing. That pig knows what is going to happen..that is why she bit. Atleast they dont bite Bert's crotch..yet.

Anna said...

The yellow jackets are thick this year in our area. One stung me three times yesterday - got up my pant-leg. They sting freely since it doesn't kill them. Being an American, of course I over-reacted and totally annihilated their nest after nightfall when they were helpless. :-)

We prize our honeybees, though. They are disappearing. Scientists haven't determined the cause yet. Those little bees are like suicide bombers giving their lives for the hive. Rather innocuous if you aren't allergic.