Bert comes into the kitchen and tells me,
Swisser’s been showing me pictures of her vole.
No her vole.
Vole. What’s she on about?
Says there’s a vole in her back yard,
Says it’s been there for a week.
It’s probably a rat.
Says it sits on the windowsill and looks in at her. Says it twitches its whiskers. Says it’s a cute wee thing.
It doesn’t sit on her windowsill and look in at her!
Come and see the wee film she took.
I go into the other room and Swisser reaches me her phone. I watch a little film of a large brown rodent sniffling and zigzagging about in her herbaceous border, its big scaly tail snaking behind it. Sadly she has no footage of the charming creature sitting sweetly on her sill looking in at her.
Well! What do you think? It’s a vole, isn’t it?
It’s a rat.