Spots

The other weekend this handsome young PSNI officer called to the office. He is the community beat cop and was in to chat about some little troublemakers we had hanging around. I think he had been hoping to run into my younger colleague, who is in possession of a tumble of hair as dark as a raven’s wing and with sultry good looks to match. But sadly he had to make do with Nelly who presents a much homelier face. The chat came round to the abuse of drugs. Certain in the knowledge that I would have little practical experience of such matters, he informed me of the telltale signs of drug abuse. We’d done the dilated pupils bit and he was telling me how to spot solvent abuse. I thankfully admit I have no personal experience of solvent abuse other than having heavy objects thrown at me by a young person who was under the influence of nail varnish. She kept missing me which was very good. But I digress – John, the very personable young PC, told me that one of the first signs of solvent abuse was a rash around the mouth and nose. Guiltily my hand flew to my own rash around my nose and mouth.

Which brings me to the good part. I’d been spotty since last Spring. Which was very annoying as I’m famous locally for having Perfect Skin. All of a sudden the Spots Went Away. I’m so happy. I think my mother was saying a novena for me. Non-catholics can take a trip over to Ganching if you want to know more about novenas. Kerry sister reckons it was the poison from smoking seeping through my skin. She then drew my attention to something that looked like a tiny wart at the corner of her eye. “It’s just like this one.” I said drawing her attention to the one I’ve had for at least the last five years. “Where?” said she, “There.” I replied grabbing beauteous colleague’s magnifying glass. And guess what? It had gone too.