Cruel and Unusual

The Banjos are staying with us this weekend. It’s their first proper visit since we moved in. And the first time we’ve had all six beds on the go. Miss Banjo and Erin slept in the high room. The high room was formerly known as the attic but we thought the attic had scary connotations that were best avoided.

Before they came Bert said, “I’m going to tell the kids the house is haunted.” Have you ever heard the expression ‘I went down his throat for a shortcut’? That is just where I went. I explained to him that the last thing we needed were kids screaming the place down in the middle of the night just because The Beast of Springhill (Harry de Cat) had jumped on their bed.

When they got here I couldn’t get over Jazzer and Miss Banjo’s curly blonde hairstyles. It’s been so long since I’ve seen Miss Banjo with curly hair that I’d forgotten she was a curly top. Since she first got her hands on a set of ceramic hair straighteners she has been obsessive. Not one tendril of hair has been allowed to kink or curl but there she was peering in the mirror and carefully straightening it out again.

She’s fifteen now and well into the middle of her teen rebellion. There have been sanctions and there have been groundings but Miss Banjo has continued in her defiant ways. That is until Jazzer hit upon a most cruel and unusual punishment. This is what happened. Miss Banjo had been grounded but when left in the house by herself had made her escape. Despite many phone calls from her mother she refused to return home. Eventually all her friends were in for the night and still she refused to return. It started to rain. She stood on. Eventually she relented and returned to the warmth of her cosy home. Her hair was soaked and was starting to frizz. Jazzer said nothing for she was hatching an evil plan.

The next morning Miss Banjo woke up her head a mass of glorious golden curls. She looked for her hair straighteners. Aaagh! The plug had been cut off. She looked for the spare set. They too were plugless. With no means to tame the frizz she set off for school looking like Bonnie Langford. It was a cruel and unusual punishment indeed. Apparently she’s been good as gold ever since. For who knows to what lengths her fiercely strict mother will go to next?

Miss Banjo is not the only one to have recently suffered the Wrath of Jazzer. There is a certain person who has learned that just because it’s a Halloween fancy dress party does not make it all right to be looking up the skirt of the young blade in the PVC nurse’s uniform. Jazzer packs a hefty punch for five foot nothing. And that certain someone has had an excellent opportunity to assess the paint job on the ceiling.