Did Ye Not Hear Me Yelling?

I went out to Matty’s last night to take her on her Thursday night run to the supermarket. Says she,

You might have been coming to my wake this evening!

What do you mean?

Well…. I was at the doctor’s this morning….

My mind started racing ahead of me. She was at the doctor. Did she take a heart attack in the doctor’s surgery? Surely not. She’d hardly be getting her coat on ready for Tescos if she’d had a heart attack…..

<><><>

A good long while ago Bert was out with his ma a run. She wanted something from the Spar in the village but couldn’t be bothered going in for it herself so sent the big son in instead. Bert left her sitting in the car at the front of the shop and went in and gathered up her few bits and pieces.

When he came out he couldn’t see the car. He shook his head in puzzlement. Surely it hadn’t been stolen. Not with an oul doll sitting in it?

He turned his head to the left and there it was. The bonnet was all buckled out of shape and there was a bent lamp post leaning into it. And there sitting stoically in the passenger seat was Pearlie.

What happened?

Did ye not hear me yelling?

Hear you yelling? I was in the bloody shop!

The car moved off by itself. I thought it was going to run out into the road. I started shouting on ye but ye never came.

Could you not have pulled on the handbrake?

Could ye not have pulled it on yersel before ye got oot of the car?

<><><>

Yesterday history repeated itself. If you were driving along the A26 towards Ballymena about lunchtime and saw a driverless car reversing slowly on to the dual carriageway, with a little old lady sitting in the passenger seat, a look of mild panic on her face, then that was nothing to do with me. I was at work at the time. The driver of the car, a very kindly person, was in the filling station picking up an Irish News so that her passenger could check up on the deaths.

If it hadn’t been for the quick witted chap who saw what was happening, jumped from his car, stopped the traffic and drove the little old lady to a safer spot, she too might have featured in the following day’s Irish News.

Obviously I have this on hearsay and know none of the people involved. Still I thought it might be a good idea to show Matty the workings of the handbrake just in case she ever finds herself in such a situation.