This Time of War

 Wasn't it always so?

The News and all our thoughts are dominated by Putin's invasion of Ukraine and almost everyone has something to say. My say? I'm not as scared as I was back in 1962 when the world stood on the brink of nuclear war. I was in primary school then and I remember our teacher, Cassie O'Neill leading us in a prayer for peace and her fear was palpable. All the grown-ups were scared and never in my entire life has there been a more terrifying time. 

Until sometime in my thirties when I got so down that I went to my GP. He was that old-fashioned pull yourself together kind of doctor. I said I was depressed. He said something along the lines of, 'How so?' He was all prepared to be sceptical, or so I believed. I replied, truthfully, 

I keep looking at the sky and imagining I see mushroom clouds.

He started writing my prescription.

And so began a period of five years or more when I took reuptake inhibitors. They worked on my anxiety and I began to live in an unreal world. 

Eventually, I felt strong enough in myself to leave that cloudy place where I'd stayed too long.

It's so different when you are old. No matter what happens I know that I'll not suffer (or enjoy) it for long. Now I only worry about the younger generations. Sometimes I think we've all been foolish to procreate. Which doesn't equate with the joy and delight I'm feeling in my grandchildren, my great-nieces and great-nephew and all the other bright and lovely children entering and inhabiting the world. 

Today I had the pleasure of seeing a two-week-old calf  (Dudley) leave his shed for the very first time to frolic in the sunshine in a soft green field. He was loving life. Yet, at some point, he will enter the food chain. And that is a hard thought. He's not my calf. I'm not in charge of his future, But I saw him taking pleasure in his first experience of the great outdoors and, for me, that will have to do for now.