Victoria Sponge

Over the past few months Bert has taken to making cakes and usually, they are very good. He started with baked cheesecakes and these were excellent. His Chocolate Guinness has been a big success on two occasions. But... he is becoming over confident, and thinks he can do no wrong. At Christmas his Sicilian Orange and Lemon cake was a flop, literally. It is a tricky one but I've managed to make it work many times. 

Now Chocolate Guinness cake may be easy but the classic Victoria Sponge is not. I remember serving up a failed VS to the children many years ago and Martha asking me,

Granny, why are your cakes always like biscuits?

We are having people over this Saturday (many of them Australian) and Bert is making a Victoria Sponge. This is Thursday. I'm all for getting ahead but I'd have thought the day before would be soon enough. Anyway I've just gone in to the kitchen to check on his progress and he seems to be making a hash of it. I kindly told him so and he assures me that all will be well. He is using cake tins that are far too deep and he has not lined them! 

I am torn between hoping his Victoria Sponge will be successful and wanting it to be a disaster so that I can say,

I told you so!

Here's what I think. He could not care less if his cake does not work out because he wants to eat it immediately, no matter what. 

Mary Berry's Victoria Sponge. Bert has a lot to live up to here. I'll keep you all posted.

Conversations

 Bert: Where's that Holy Joe calendar that was on the freezer?

(A local congregation blesses us annually with a calendar featuring scenes from the Northern part of Ireland  complete with Biblical verses, also some tracts, and a CD of their pastor's sermons.)

Nelly: It's in the recycling bin.

Bert: What? Why did you do that?

Nelly: I do it every year.

Bert: But I needed a calendar for my room.

Nelly: You have a calendar. The Fane Valley calendar that Feely gave us, the one you said that Clint would be so jealous of because of all the pictures of fine Hereford bastes.

Bert: I think it was very negative of you throwing out the Gospelly calendar.

Nelly: I do it every year and you've never complained before.

I am a bit worried that Bert might have succumbed to Late-Onset Presbyterianism. I shared my worries with Hannah. She said,

Mum, I think you need to accept that as Bert grows older he will be turning into Pearlie. Don't be telling him I said that.

I said,

But I tell him that every single day.

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Later on that day, I'm in Tescos. There is a stand offering reduced bedding items, duvet sets, pillow cases etc. in shades of soft green that exactly match my bedroom. I'm drawn to it. There is a throw that tempts me. But I cannot see what price it is. I go to the help desk with the item and explain my predicament. The assistant is a lady of mature years, giving off an air of being completely scundered with Christmas and the New Year. She scanned the throw and said,

You may put that back on the shelf. It's not reduced. Twenty pounds. I wouldn't give that for it!

I did as she said. And loved her for it.

It's that time of the year again.