Now Elias Canetti, one of Iris Murdoch's many lovers, has had his memoirs published eleven years after his death and Iris gets her usual pasting. Nobel laureate Canetti was at least ten years older than Iris. He wasn't exactly a matinee idol, not that Iris would have cared about that, but he had a huge intellect to go with his enormous ego and maybe, for all I know, he had a big wanger too. He had a three year affair with Iris and in his memoir, written 40 years after it ended, he was most ungallant about her - out of sheer jealousy of her reputation and literary success I'd wager.
And how has he expressed this lack of gallantry? He sneered at the food she offered him, he mocked her 'ungainly' underwear and he accused her of being lumpen in the sack. Apparently she only became animated at the talking after the act stage and then she devoured everything he had to say so that she could use it in her best selling novels. But the worst thing he said, in my opinion, was when he referred to her as wearing 'grotesque sandals' on her big ugly feet and of walking like a 'repulsive bear'.
That hit me hard for I'm not certain that I don't have a bear-like walk and I also have 'ugly feet' and 'grotesque sandals'. Men can be so shallow.
Anyway it inspired me to write this song. Sing it to the music 'Bette Davis Eyes' in the husky manner of Kim Carnes. Of course it's about me.
Her hair is curly brown
Her temper's not too sweet
She'll really bring you down
She's got Iris Murdoch feet
She'll set her dogs on you
She'll put you on the street
She'll tell you nothing true
She's got Iris Murdoch feet
And she'll tease you
She'll unease you
She just hates to please you
She's atrocious
And she knows just
what it takes to leave you crushed
Feeling like you've been beat
She's got Iris Murdoch feet
