This Is Puck, The Redfern Duck

If you arrive at work with wet woollen gloves, pull each one over the bottom of a small jar. Stand open ends of jar on a radiator. Gloves will dry in half the time it usually takes.

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To get nuts out of their shells in one piece, soak them in salt and water for a few hours.

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To prevent a cake being overfired on top, run cold water over buttered greaseproof paper. Shake well and place over cake before putting in the oven.

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The clearing out of Pearlie’s previous abode continues. It goes slowly because I cannot resist reading every magazine or newspaper cutting she ever kept. One thing I have no trouble disposing of are the gospel tracts. She kept all of these and there must have been hundreds of them stashed here and there. It gladdened my black Catholic heart to cast these good Protestant missives in the trash bin. I was a lot less cavalier about disposing of the scores of bibles she kept. At one point in his life Bert’s father was a Sunday school teacher and the family has gathered more bibles than a horse has hairs.

The vast collection of biros has also been tossed. After years and years they just stop working and if Pearlie had enough spare hours in her day to test old pens, I don’t. I’m far too busy stacking bibles, trashing tracts and reading ancient household tips.

Pearlie also kept little cuttings that took her fancy. I liked this old style advertisement.

This is Puck, the Redfern Duck

The wet he never feels,

Because his boots are watertight

With Redfern's Soles and Heels

Deuteronomy 22:5

All I said was,

Would you ever consider wearing trousers instead of skirts? They'd keep you cosy and warm.

And she said,

I dinnae want tae weer troosers.

Later she said,

C'meer. I want tae tell you something.

And I said,

What do you want to tell me?

And she said,

It says in the bible, somewheer, that a man shouldnae weer weemin's clothes nor a woman weer men's clothes for it is an abomination unto the Lord.

And I said,

That's a load of hooey.

And she narrows her eyes and says,

D'ye think so?

And I say,

It says a lot of stuff in the bible I'd pay no heed to and neither do you.

And she says,

Oh?

And I say,

Well you eat bacon and you didn't have Bert circumcised. And when did you last make a sacrifice at the temple?

She says,

I'll hae to hear what Mr Uprichard has to say about it.

And I say,

Ask him if he'd like us to bring a goat over for him to sacrifice?