Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Trinny, Susannah, Swisser and Bert


Not very many people knew (until now) that Bert is very keen on the makeover programme What Not To Wear. He is particularly keen on Trinny. Apart from the lissom Trinny other reasons he enjoys the programme are - plentiful opportunities to see ordinary ladies in their underwear and he does love watching Susannah poke and prod at her victim’s bouncy bits. And then his eyes moisten when, at the end of the programme, the victims appear made over, radiant and as beautiful as they can be.

Since Bert has become a What Not To Wear devotee his fashion sense has heightened considerably and I have been advised to bin a couple of items of cherished clothing. Mind you the clothes that I binned were bad. Really, really bad. Think poor Norfolk pig-farmer bad, think bag-lady wouldn’t be seen dead in bad, think not even fit for lining the dog basket bad.

Now everyone is getting into the act. I bought two new tops yesterday one of which I was going to wear to a party later on that evening. I tried on the red flowery one. Swisser said, “No. Absolutely not.” Then I tried on the beige one. “Yes, much, much better,” she said. Then she casually picks up the red one and dropped it in the bin! “Can’t I even wear it to work?” I pleaded. “No,” she said firmly. “It’s hideous.”

So I told Bert that she’d ‘Trinny and Susannahed’ me. He was delighted. “Did she poke and prod at your bouncy bits too?” he enquired. “No,” I answered “She didn’t take it to those lengths. She knows I’d of cowped her if she’d tried that!”

So then we thought it’d only be fair if Swisser ‘Trinny and Susannahed’ him too. She gazed him up and down then pronounced, “Mmmm. It’s definitely shirt out over your jeans. Either that or do your flies up.”

8 comments:

ed said...

Is Trinny the annoying one? Or is she the other annoying one?

Nelly said...

Trinny is the prettier one, or so Bert thinks. Susannah is the big horsey one with the gay streak.

Adam said...

Trinny and Susannah don't even have a clue what to wear themselves, especially Trinny

Trinny = Horse

Susannah = Donkey

Nelly said...

And that gets them even more attention and more attention = more money. Delicious irony isn't it?

So who do you think dresses well then?

Adam said...

My art teacher if that counts. Hmm... maybe if I become a horse or donkey I shall get rich :S I think I'll stick with being an astronaut

Ronni said...

I once had a pair of red, white and blue plaid bicycle shorts that were the most comfortable pair of shorts I have ever owned, bar none. One day, they just weren't there. Several (like, 10) years later, my daughters confessed to the destruction of my favourite shorts. I had not EVER worn them out of the house, knowing they were not worthy to line the cat's bed, but the girls were afraid I would forget. I let them live.

Bliss said...

You can let Bert know that I'm a secret devotee of the American version of What Not To Wear, so he's not alone. ;)

Nelly said...

Less of a secret now Bliss. Let me tell you another one. At the moment I am wearing a very baggy red sweater, red & yellow striped pyjama trousers and black fluffy slippers.

Bert is wearing a baggy jumper, scruffy jeans and a tw0-day beard. Neither of us have combed our hair. Very, wery bad.