Wednesday, March 28, 2007

The Wisdom of Matty

The other day Matty and I were talking about dogs and specifically about cruelty to dogs. She starts this conversation as we were in the car and on our way to Ballymena,

Did you see on the news that boy from above Antrim who was took up for cruelty to an Alsatian dog?

No I didn’t hear about that. What was the story?

Och! He had this Alsatian and he was very bad to it. By the time they caught on to him the poor dog was a rickle of bones way starvation and some oul skin disease and its hair falling out in clumps.

Oh God! Did it have to be put down?

No. The vet said with a bit of care and good treatment it’d probably be all right. It was likely your cousin Finbar was the vet seeing as where it was.

Aye. Likely. It’d be in good hands there. What happened the boy?

I’m not sure. I think maybe he got jail.

Sure it would serve him right.

Aye. He was likely some wee scur of a boy thought a big dog like that would make a man of him. Wee boys is like that you know. He probably took drink as well. The bad wee brute.

As I recounted to Bert later on there if there is anything my mother hates more than a wee man it is a wee man who takes drink. Just as well we don’t know anybody like that. Ahem!

My ma does have some funny notions. Like the one about the fields.

Being brave and stoical I never mentioned a thing to youse ones about the bloody sore leg I gave myself a just over a week ago. Agony it was. I reckon I pulled a muscle in my groin whilst out walking the Friday before last. It took most of a week for the pain to subside and I was taking painkillers every night and still waking up during the night with pains shooting through every inch of my leg. But I don’t like to moan to you people atall…

That doesn’t apply to Matty of course. I had a right whinge to her about it,

Oh! It’s pure agony Mum. Every bit of my leg hurts. When will it get better? Will it ever get better! Or will it be a leg to me my day?

Oh hush now. Of course it’ll get better. It’ll take you nine days to get over it. Mind you it will never be the same again. It will always be easy hurted now. How did you say it happened?

I was out walking in the fields and I tripped over a briar. I only stumbled but it might have been better if I’d fallen for I think I pulled something trying to save myself.

Out walking in the fields! Don’t you know that walking in the fields is a very dangerous thing? I mind one time I was out walking in the fields looking for a dead sheep with only a pair of oul waders on my feet. I walked every field about this place. Well it was that very next week I took the pains and if you mind right I was bad for three whole years after that! Keep you out of those fields!


Mudflapgypsy said...

Matty is right about fields. I fell off a fence last year whilst walking through fields (ouch) and couldn't walk properly for a week. I was limping for anotherr week afterwards too.

Anonymous said...


But is she right about the wee boys whotake drink?

Mudflapgypsy said...

Oh aye, the devil's buttermilk is enough to turn ye mad.

You have to be a wee scur first though.

Matty said...

Matty is wise.