I Wake Up Stupid

 At first, I did not realise that I'd woken up stupid. The first indication came as I was driving into town to pick up the young lad doing a bit of painting for us. The red light was on, and I'd left my wallet on the kitchen table. There was probably enough diesel in the tank to take me to Ballymena and back but I knew I could not handle the stress of worrying that I'd come to a halt in the middle of town. Better to fill up. So I wheeled around, retrieved my wallet and headed up the Kilrea Line to the petrol station. 

As I drove, keeping an eye on the red light, I wondered where the tank was. This would be my first time buying fuel for this particular vehicle. Turned out to be the passenger side. Got out, keys in hand, ready to unlock the fuel cap. Immediate problem. I didn't know how to open it. I vaguely recalled there being a magic lever somewhere but I could not find it. By this time the proprietor of the petrol station was out on the forecourt advising me as to where to look. This was when I first realised I was displaying signs of stupidity. I decided to phone Bert and found that I could no longer work my phone. My stupidity was increasing by the moment. Eventually, I got through and eventually, Bert answered and talked me through the location of the magic lever. The proprietor was standing by the magic door and boy was she excited when it sprang open. With the tank just over half-full and my wallet sixty quid lighter, I headed to town to pick up my painter.

Seemed no time until I was driving back to town to pick up the schoolies. I went early enough to spend a little time in the shops. It's a pity I only changed my gardening shoes before I left the house as I noticed (far too late) that my yellow jumper had two sinister brown stains on the front. The stains were probably just HP sauce but they looked nasty. I decided to buy a new jumper in the Oxfam Shop. I also bought 3 pairs of sunglasses as I'd sat on mine at the petrol station. More stupidity. And, of course, I bought a book (Ian Rankin). Six pounds well spent and off to the Council Loo to change my top. There is a sort of in and out barrier in there. I got in OK but on the way out I forgot how it worked much to the amusement of the attendant. He talked me through the mechanics of it and I managed to escape.

Schoolies gathered up we drove home slowly and safely on a long and little-travelled road as I did not trust myself to get tangled up in the home-from-school rush. Instead, we dallied along country lanes admiring the sheep. 

There was one final instance of stupidity. After the painter and the schoolies went home we decided to order dinner from the Golden City in Ahoghill. Bert drove there, I was the collector. He parked in the Diamond and I jumped out of the van and barged straight into a beauty salon. It took me a few seconds before I realised I wasn't in a Chinese Takeaway. How Bert laughed.

I hope to be smarter tomorrow.