I have written before about Bert's habit of asking me inane questions. Some people might find this endearing but I find it irritating. For instance, this morning, he asked.
What's the first word in the dictionary?
Go look it up!
I don't know where the dictionary is.
Big bookcase, right-hand side, top shelf.
Moments later, I found him searching the left-hand side of the bookcase. He has trouble telling left from right which I find odd. I admit, I jeered and the brute insisted I'd said the left side. I jeered more. Sometimes I'm just not very nice.
Later that day, Hannah called me out to see the roof of her car which was crawling with flying ants. They weren't doing much flying, just racing around, fighting, fornicating and attacking unlucky flies. In turn, I called Bert.
Come and see this.
What is it?
Ants, flying ants.
Pishmouls.
What!
Pishmouls. Ants.
You're making that up.
No! Where's the Concise Ulster Dictionary?
Big bookcase, on the left, top shelf.
I was astonished for he found it immediately and it turns out it is an Ulster-Scots word.
By the way, if anyone is looking for a copy of the Concise Ulster Dictionary the cheapest one on Amazon is £149.75. Abe Books has it at £120. Obviously, mine is not for sale.
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