Goner

There's a part of me that thinks it is wrong to pray for animals. It's a part I don't agree with. We're all animals when it comes right down to it. It's just that we humans are particularly arrogant, selfish animals that believe, rightly or wrongly, that we're more important than the rest.

Nevertheless I prayed for Lucy and I prayed for Bonnie. Whilst doing so I had the sneaky suspicion that somebody, something would die in their stead. I'm a superstitious fool. I admit it.

Today I accidentally drowned a spider. And on the Dreen Road, Big Ernie, the angriest turkey in County Antrim, died with his head stuck in the feeding trough. Heart attack? Who knows. Clint weighed him prior to burial. He weighed exactly 60 lbs, including feathers and guts. He was a big boy. Clint is sad. But Lucy is grand and Bonnie is on the mend.

Talking Turkey

Meet Big Ernie, Clint's Attack Turkey. When Big Ernie is on the loose Clint has nothing to fear from burglars, robbers or sneak thieves. But Ernie is about to meet his match.

Hello there, Big Ernie. Lovely weather we're having. I do hope it keeps up for the Easter weekend. Are you looking forward to Easter lunch? We are.
G'wan ye sarcastic fecker or I'll hae the goolies of ye!

Ye wudn't be the first and I daresay ye'll hardly be the last! C'mere ye skinny bastard 'til I get a dig at ye!

Aye! Run ye yellow fecker! I'll get ye in the long grass!

Ye bastar...! Urghhh!
I suppose ye thought that was funny! I'll mind ye, ye hoor ye!

Nellybert would like to reassure readers that no actual turkeys were harmed in the making of this blogpost. Clint would also like it to be known that Big Ernie, though temperamental and vicious, is a valued and respected free range turkey who, he hopes, will become the father of very many turkey chicks to come.