Monday, January 16, 2006

I Put A Spell On You

This post is for all you married and cohabiting women out there. It’s a little witchy spell I want to share with you.

HOW TO BRING YOUR WANDERING MAN BACK HOME

You will need a cauldron of boiling water, a broom and a floor mop. To the cauldron of boiling water you may add any of the following potions or powders. Do not mix these potions or powders for the results may be catastrophic and you could blow up your happy home. You should add to the cauldron of boiling water PARAZONE or FLASH or MR MUSCLE.  Next take your broom and thoroughly sweep your floor. Then take your floor mop and dip into your potioned or powdered cauldron. Use your floor mop to clean your floor. When the floor is beautifully clean lean on your floor mop and admire your handiwork. It is at this stage that your man will arrive home and will begin stomping all over your lovely clean floors with his big dirty feet.

Works for me every time.

6 comments:

Bliss said...

Of course, the reverse (How To Bring Your Wandering Woman Back Home) is to simply turn on the TV to watch the game. ;)

Nelly said...

Don't know if you call it this in the States but both those scenarios fall under Sod's Law hereabouts.

ed said...

I would go with the three step method for finding lost females:

1. Switch TV on to something which will not be repeated.

2. Sit comfortably, preferably with feet resting on a coffee table or somesuch device.

3. Sigh contentedly and open cold can of beer.

Your missing female will turn up within five seconds of step 3. Before you manage to get a swig out of the can, and with the sigh still echoing...

Sods Law? Too bloody right.

Nelly said...

And just like the returning man's feet will always be dirty and he will always need to walk everywhere in the house so too will the female's need to chat incessantly about something of little or no interest to the man's ears. Right?

Nelly said...

Except, grammatically, that makes only the slightest of sense sense. But you get my drift. Right?

ed said...

Got it in one.