This weekend we had eight guests plus ourselves but as the Hotel Nellybert can comfortably accommodate eleven this wasn’t a problem.
Room 1 (Bert’s room) Nellybert
Room 2 (The room with the huge bed) Mr & Mrs Banjo
Room 3 (The haunted room) Bert’s old friend, Christophe
Room 4 (Nelly’s room) Hannah & the three young Banjos, Paddy, Rosie & Harry de Cat
Room 5 (The attic) John the Lodger
Non-resident guests included Ploppy Pants, Jenny Wren, Swisser and Pedro.
The evening function went well. Nelly the Head Chef performed admirably despite some initial worries over the apple cinnamon sponge. Her cheese & spinach pie was deemed a triumph. Commis Chef Jazzer exceeded her oven privileges and it was also noted that there was some unnecessary wastage of yellow peppers in the vegetable prep room. Trainee Commis Chef Miss Banjo introduced some innovative onion chopping techniques and was heaped with praise.
Head Housekeeper Nelly and Chambermaid Jazzer completed the preparation of bedrooms whilst Chambermaid Ben valiantly threw all the spare duvets down the attic stairs.
The house band played enthusiastically for several hours to the delight of all present, only descending into drunkenness and debauchery after the younger guests had retired for the night. I’m sad to report that Manager Bert joined the band in their antics and was not feeling his best at breakfast time.
Beauty Therapist Miss Banjo and her assistant Erin gave several of the gentlemen, including Christophe, Ploppy Pants and Ben Banjo, makeovers - these involving tinting their hair and (in Ploppy’s Case) beards chestnut brown and finishing Nelly’s last canister of extremely expensive tinted mousse. Bert would not consent to tinting but did submit to bobbles once again.
There was an unfortunate incident when young Ben Banjo got hold of a bayonet (circa 1877) and started waving it around in a foolhardy manner but Head of Security Pedro decommissioned the weapon by placing it on top of the highest kitchen cupboard. Pedro had to take action again when he confiscated a catapult from Bert after the unfortunate incident when Nelly was hit on the cheek by a missile (foam rubber yet unpleasantly stingy) and where Bert also smashed a wine glass in his careless excitement at having scored a bull’s-eye against his better half. However Pedro took no action when Ben ran around wearing his sister’s turquoise thong. This was excused on the grounds of Ben’s youthful high spirits.
Despite some initial worries that his rest would be disturbed by 'The Ghost of Uncle Andy' Chris spent a restful night. Mr and Mrs Banjo enjoyed the comfort of the Huge Bed so much that they did not leave it until well past midday. The younger guests made no complaint that two dogs and Harry de Cat invaded their room. John the Lodger also found his apartments to his liking and stayed in them until afternoon. All guests helped themselves to breakfast and spent a pleasant morning/afternoon perusing the papers and discussing politics.