Ed recently drew my attention to this amusement and I thought it would be fun to adapt it so:
Enter English Text and "Stray Toast" it:
That's my challenge. You'll have to (while we wait for the programme) do it the hard way. The Competition is open to all including Stray Toaster, his family, friends and colleagues.
The winner will receive a lovely prize of some seeds from Nelly's Garden.
15 comments:
Really, now, surely there can be only one winner? That would be like Elvis entering an Evlis-alike competition and losing. Oh, the ignomony. (Incidently, that is a plot device, I think, in the almighty Bruce Campbell-return-of-the-Egyptian-God-of the dead (except there were major inaccuracies in that regard, hey, I know some Egyptology as well. Did I mention I can (sort of) read heiroglyphics. Can't spell it, but can read it. A bit.) flick 'Buba Ho-Tep'. (The point of parentheses is that they can be removed and still retain the meaning and flow of the original sentence. Of course, if they are so long as to break the thing up into disparate parts, I am not sure it works.)
But really, I should, of course, win. Being me. No one else is really me. And even I am legion, being more than the sum of my constituent parts. I can also type forever and ever, and say less and less as time goes on.
I am setting the bar high here, people. If anyone else takes your challenge. I hope not. My Alexander would love your some seeds from Nelly's Garden, the little hortoculturist that he is. With is pocket money, last week, he bought some pot plants that he is tending to in his room. He was fond of growing colious from seed, and helps out in the garden.
Oh, I should stop sometime soon, shouldn't I? I am flattered by the post, Ms B, I truly am. :)
Well maybe to make it more challenging for you Marc it should be take a bit of your own prose and Ed-ify it.
And 'your favourite band sucks' sounds like a piece of text that has already been Ed-ified.
By the way if Alexander wins the prize I take it I ought to leave out the White Widow and papaver somniferum seeds?
Whatever you say, say nothing.
See, the problem with this is (and this is the problem) is the say followed by say and see, I just did it myself with the is, followed by the is, it is not neat is it? Here in Ingerland, and more specifically Cambridgeshire which is, you have to say, flatter than flat, but does have the best museum (thank you, Mr Fitzwilliam)hereabouts whatever you say say nothing is the apotheosis....
Boys-a-dear but that was easy - nearly as easy as being a sports writer.
I claim the prize because I was the only one who followed the instructions properly.
ganching
Ganching - that was nearly good. And you are in the lead as you did follow the instructions properly. But there is something missing. Cannot figure out exactly what it is though. I'm not sure that you have actually caught the kernel, the essence of angstiness that marks a piece of prose as truly Stray Toasterly.
I'm going to be lazy, and just copy what ganching used.
Whatever you say, say nothing.
[StrayToaster style="ON"]
What is it with language these days? (puts on slippers and sits in comfy armchair smoking a pipe) Back when I was a wee lad, there was none of this random repeating of words in the middle of sentences. Nowadays it's all "had had" and "say, say" (and as was pointed out by random blog/IRC body, it can get taken too far, but with style. Say that you're describing where you want spaces in a sign for "Smith & Sons", you say "I want spaces between 'Smith' and 'and' and 'and' and 'Son'" Five ands in the middle of a sensible sentence! Even those fools in the Fens know that's that wrong. Not that I have any problems with people from the Fens, but, dontcherknow, you know. Although they did appreciate the stlye of the One True Shoes driving Caitlin. Is this a good time to tell you about the time some Fen person tried to steal my Converse? Maybe not, I'll save that for later) and there is no stopping them! Repeating words in the middle of sentences is bad.
Anyway, Whatever you say. I saw this on a wall somewhere. It may have been in Cambrige, by the river (great punt we had out there, oh yes, flickr has the photos). No, it was in Belfast somewhere. The pod people may have been meaning it in a threatening way. Oh well. Tribal politics.
*sigh* Too popular *sigh*
[StrayToaster stlye="OFF"]
V.G. Ganching out-ganched & Toaster (nearly) out-toastered. You are the winner. Shall I plant the seeds at the bottom of your mum's garden?
We're still to see your effort, Ms Moser...
Ah but I cannot enter my own competition. I am da judge. And you are da winner. Now about those seeds...
See, now there is something amiss here. As Ed-boy has actually met me, and can therefore vouchsafe that I am nowt like what I write.
I am quiet, respectful and deferred to the others around, and considerate of their opinions. In real life.
Dude, when I met you you were trying to get tha Wulf to cry...
It's interesting, though, how we've created a written style that isn't as good as the real thing, but would be recognisable to anyone who'd read enough of your site. The perils of having a distinctive style. If it's good, others will emulate it.
(is emulate the right word? I dunno, but I'm away out now so can't be bothered to think of a better one)
Interesting thought. What Marc is really like. I have met very few fellow bloggers apart from 3 family members and Mrs anyresemblance who is ganching's friend.
So what are people really like then? How much can be told from writing? Nevermind writing style. I just get a feeling that I like and care about y'all that I communicate with on a regular basis.
And Ed (the smart skitter) is still the winner. Maybe he had the unfair advantage of actually meeting Marc. And if he wishes he can donate his prize to Master A. Kerr. Of course I was only codding about having wicked seeds.
I challenge the judge as she failed to pick up on the fact that the expression
"whatever you say say nothing"
could be used to describe the style of a whole load of blogs ((not singling out Mr Stray Toaster in particular)(in fact the saying' or saw as some might call it, encapsulates the whole art of blogging))and therefore introduced a whole new dimension into the competition but, see, that's just the way I see things and who am I.......
Damn, I think I'm not going to be able to stop doing this.
ganching
Da judge's decision is final.
I think that Mr Kerr (Jnr) may appreciate the seeds more, as my ideal garden features a large amount of concrete, suitable for parking a large number of fast vehicles. Oh, and my current 'garden' is bricked over and hardly big enough for the three bins that belshaft city council sees fit to supply me with.
And me ma may have questions as to why people are planting seeds in her garden. "Well, mum, this random woman from Cullybackey who I know off of the 'net ran a little competition, to see who could impersonate this random fella from Portglenone, who I know off of the 'net as well. And I won, so I get some seeds from Nelly's Garden. Stop looking at me like that. It's not that strange..."
You have one thing in common with our friend Clint then whose ideal garden would also be a parking lot. One difference tho' - instead of fast moving vehicles his would be a collection of slow movers like tractors, fork-lifts, lorries etc.
If the Toaster wants to leave me a box number I'll send his boy some seeds.
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