Conversations With The Hearing Impaired

Conversation 1

Matty: Your Kerry Sister says that this really short-haired look for men is all to do with up here. She says nobody in Dingle has their head shaved.

Nelly: Ach sure what would Dingle know about anything! It’s all mad tourists there anyway.

Matty: She says none of the locals have their hair shaved and her Brendan is growing his long.

Nelly: Well don’t forget your darling youngest son has a number 1.

Matty: Aye but he’d need to. What would he be like him with long hair and none on the top and the bunches of ginger curls growing out the side?

(Sorry Joe. Couldn’t resist.)

Conversation 2

Nelly: There’s this great garden centre I must take you to. Bert says it’s the best one he delivers to and it’s not far from here.

Matty: Oh is it that one in the Ecos Centre that Kerry Sister took me to?

Nelly: No. But that one’s great too. The one Bert’s talking about is on the Cockhill Road.

Matty: Where? Your road?

Nelly: No. The Cockhill Road.

Matty: The Clough Road?

Nelly: No! Cockhill! Near Slaght.

Matty: Cloughmills?

Nelly: No! Cockhill. Am I going to have to write it down for you?

Suddenly Nelly has brainwave and decides to act out Cockhill. She just gets as far as the first syllable when Matty puts her out of the house.