In The Midst Of Life

This fellow I know (knew) told me that one day, he was going to buy Galgorm Castle. He was just an ordinary bloke then. Maybe a bit better looking and taller than average, but nevertheless, just an ordinary bloke.

He never did get round to buying Galgorm Castle but he did OK in life. A lot better than OK. It's like my father used to say, 'Aim for the top of the tree and you'll fall into the hedge. Aim for the hedge and you'll fall in the ditch.'

Last night someone took his life and I just cannot get my head around it.

I Wish Weekends Were 5 Days Long

Run darlings!

I have felt rather cranky this weekend. Mainly because I had around five days worth of stuff I wanted to do and only two days to do it in. I spent a little time with Zoe and that was good. I visited the bluebells in Top Wood twice, for the first time my camera battery died, and I failed to get even one decent photograph. I took pictures of Clint's new goslings and found them rather camera-shy.

I made a rhubarb and ginger crumble.

I watched about an hour of TV and Danny MacAskill's YouTube video another couple of times. It's at over two million views now and only 17 of those were mine!

I researched the history of the McAnespie family and discovered a new cousin. (Third. Matty said it doesn't count. I disagree.) Called on the aforesaid Matty and gathered up her genealogy cuttings. She told me a funny story but I'm saving it for a blog post. (The muse rarely visits me these days.) Delighted in my newly grown up Niece-Sha and went for several walks, none long enough. Fell out, then in with Pearlie. Listened to a great lot of Middlemarch.

Another thing that made me cranky this weekend was what Clint did to Johnny's wall. Philistine! A blog post there too and I can be as insulting as I like for he never reads me. Too busy rearing geese and being a Barbarian!

And I have been getting irritated by the varying quality of readings and recordings on LibriVox. When it is good it is a joy. When it is not I grind my teeth. Still, my own copy of the book will be here soon and I'll do what I did with Our Mutual Friend - use my eyes to feast on the unlistenable-to chapters.

Inspired Bicycles - Danny MacAskill April 2009

Thanks to Michael Morrison for recommending this amazing video of his mate Danny.

I'm going to dust the cobwebs of my bike one of these days. Expect I'll be a bit more sedate in my pedalling.

Theology and the Beauty Pageant

'In the Bible it says marriage is between Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve.' (Charmaine Koonce, the mother of Miss New Mexico USA Bianca Carla)


One of my father's favourite ways of opening a discussion was to say.

"Now I'm no theologian but...."

Like Daddy, I'm no theologian either, but this I do know. There is no one in the bible called Steve.

Some other things I know,

Leprechauns do not exist.
Santa Claus does not live in Lapland.
The Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy are imaginary concepts.
The bible and the koran are books.
Statues do not weep human tears.
Irish people rarely eat corned beef and cabbage.

Right Now

Well to be strictly accurate - 5 minutes ago. We're having a little shindig to celebrate hannah's mid-week birthday. Note the (unopened) bottle of gin on the right hand side of the picture.

Alex Got Them Call Centre Blues

Ring! Ring! Ring!

Nelly: Hello.

Alex: Good evening. Is that Mrs Nelly Moser?

Nelly: Yes. Speaking.

Alex: This is Alex ringing from ANBM.

Nelly: (wearily) And...?

Alex: As a valued ANBM customer you have been selected to...

Nelly: Wait till I tell you something Alex - I have just spent the evening with my mother and I am weary Alex. She has done my head in.

Alex: I'm sorry to hear that Madam but as a valued customer...

Nelly: You're not listening Alex. As I said I am weary. I am drinking gin...

Alex: As a valued customer...

Nelly: Drinking gin Alex. And weary. And cannot be bothered. Thank you for your call. Good night!

Happy Birthday Hannah

Happy Birthday Hannah, originally uploaded by NellyMoser.

Easter Time

It's been a while since I've enjoyed such a pleasant Easter Sunday. The weather has been beautiful. Bonnie and I went for a walk in Top Wood this evening where there were dog violets, primroses. drifts of wood anemone and emerging bluebells. Sadly, I'd left my camera at home in favour of 'Our Mutual Friend' on the IPod. Maybe I'll go back tomorrow.

The camera was at the ready on Friday when I spotted these twin lambs enjoying the sunshine on the Chapeltown Road near Kells.

Pretty Good Friday

I like it when a day starts shit and ends well.

This morning I woke up worried that I'd slept in. I turned on my bedside light to check the time. It was ten past seven so I put the clock on snooze and dozed off. Ten minutes later the alarm went off and I reached over to hit the snooze button again. Instead I put my left hand pointer finger into the shade of the bedside lamp and pressed hard. It was only when I felt the intense burning sensation that I realised what I'd done. Urrgh! Nasty burnt finger pad. I detest the pain of burnt digits. But what else could I do but be stoical and ignore the bloody thing?

Got up, made porridge, reassured Bonnie that even though it was Friday, I would not take her to work. She acknowledged this with a grateful sigh.

Went to work. Had a decent enough day during which I realised that, although I've had a good few decent bosses in my time and a few more who were complete arseholes, that my current boss is one of the best ever.

Came home. Bert made me coffee without me having to request it and it was the most delicious cup of coffee I've drank all week. He was having troop of renegades around to play poker so cleaned venue of sin so that renegades would feel appreciated and cared for.

Talked at length to Pearlie's favourite niece as to why she really should embrace Lord and get saved although advised to shop around churches for tolerant attitude to social drinking. (Social drinking: Any drinking that is not full-blown alcohol dependency)

Which brings me to best part of day - later on, when renegades were playing poker and favorite cousin was gone, I spent an hour with Pearlie rubbing coconut butter into our hands and her face and chatting about God and life and stuff and admitting to her that, recently I've been a complete shit who hasn't spent near enough time just hanging out and treating her like a human being.

And consequently I feel more like a human being. For which I am thankful.

So Many Books...

If I can read around one and a half books per week, and live until my mid-eighties, that means I've only got enough time to read another 2000 or so books. More than likely, quite a few of those will be for light entertainment even though I haven't yet found the time read the complete works of Dickens, Hardy, Elliot or Austen. And there will be books I might want to read again. Unfortunately I don't believe in reincarnation. Even if I do come back it would probably be as a frog, or a flea, a hoodie, or Victoria Beckham and therefore wouldn't be very much inclined to read at all.

So having discovered LibriVox and bought myself an IPod, I've begun listening to audio books as I go for my walks or tootle around the house cleaning and tidying. At first I found the lay readers strange but soon got used to it. It's not like commercial audio books where the reading is often 'performed' by some fruity-toned act-or. That put me off at first, then I started to think of the readers as really kind folk who were taking the time to read to me personally. Which is what they are really.

And apart from increasing my intake of books I'm going for longer walks and doing more cleaning and tidying. Which is all very good.

Work & Stuff

Bonnie wishes it was five o'clock. Friday was a whole week in dog years

Last Friday I took Bonnie to work with me. I knew it was going to be a quiet day and I fancied having some company. She did enjoy the lunchtime walk in Tardree Forest but I’m afraid the other part of the day was not a success. She has decided that the office environment is not the place for her. It is much too boring. From this Monday onwards she will be resuming her usual occupation - Polytunnel Security and General Cat-Bothering.

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Before coming to us Bonnie had spent most of her life chained up. She did not know how to play and did not understand the concept of playthings. All she had to call her own then was a battered and cracked leather collar. Eventually I got round to replacing this rough collar with another one in soft red leather. Maybe I only fancied it, but I'm sure she was pleased to get rid of that stiff old leather collar that had, over time, rubbed off all the hair under her chin.

For a long time her new collar was her only possession. She wasn't interested in balls or toys. It took her nearly a year before she properly learned how to have fun.

Then, while clearing out Pearlie's stuff, we came across The Squeaky Cracker and Bonnie took possession of it. No other dog dared look at it. That was the beginning of Bonnie having ‘stuff’. She’s got a pile of stuff now. Squeaky toys are her special favourites. Her soft toys must not have hard plastic noses or eyes. These will be carefully gnawed off. The Squeaky Cracker is still the number one toy and it is kept on my bed. If she can’t find it she frets. Sometimes I think she was actually more carefree when she didn’t have all this ‘stuff’ to worry about.

Unmentionables and Puritans

At least once a month Swisser tells me that she never reads my blog because,

• She would never have the time.
• Anyway she can’t find it.
• She spends all day looking at a computer screen and has far better things to do in her free time
• The university has it blocked because it’s probably full of filth

He Who Cannot Be Named doesn’t read it either but it seems some of his acquaintances do and they aren’t on speakers with him because of the filth they came across in Nelly’s Garden. All I can say is that those who are that easily shocked shouldn’t ride on the internet unless using extreme caution.

I myself am a discerning and careful user of the internet. I do not believe people who say that they were just innocently surfing away and the next thing they found themselves looking at some hideous pr0n. Not these days mister. If you want to see that sort of stuff you have to hoke around for it. Mind you, sometimes people might be on the hunt for the fetishistic stuff and find themselves somewhere innocent and flowery like my Garden. Generally it’s the few mentions I’ve made of Cherub knickers that brings those particular gentlemen here. That, and the folks who are interested in fun-loving older women. Once again, you’re at the wrong door Granny-lovers. You’ll have to wait until September before I qualify and even then the sort of fun I’ll be having won’t be for you. Bangor Boats or Pooh Sticks anyone?