Monday, August 01, 2005

Like A Flipping Lemon

Don't you just hate the way some Norn Ironers use mini-roundabouts? I found myself driving through the Ballymena rush hour this evening with Pearlie, Lizzie and Pepe aboard. After waiting a decade to get a chance to come off the Cullybackey road I was thwarted by some blade who stopped and dithered just in front of me. Naturally I vented my annoyance by roaring 'Get out of the way you flipping lemon!'

Then Pearlie said,

Quet that oul sweering you!

I'm thinking. I'm going to have to have a long, tedious debate with her about how lemon is not a swear word.

I start,

I didn't swear

Ye did so! Ye said fucking!

I did not. I said flipping.


She told me a filthy joke as we drove through Harryville but I didn't understand it and was too embarrassed to ask her to explain it. She's never told me a filthy joke before, although Matty has, and I've now discovered she's been watching Big Brother in secret.

After dropping Lizzie and Pepe off we called in with Matty who was watching the local news on mute. Ian Paisley was ranting on about something. I can't lip read so I don't know what was agitating him but I could probably guess. I wonder if he'll still talk about Sinn Fein IRA. Or will he move on to I Can't Believe It's Not Sinn Fein IRA. I called Pearlie in saying her favourite person was on the TV. Matty remarked,

He's well mended up since that time he wasn't well.
Pearlie agreed Paisley was looking just fine. Matty said,

Aye he's quare and fresh looking yet.
I suppose she had to say something like that seeing as she was drinking tea with his number one fan and the pair of them are in their 80th year as is Big Ian.


Anonymous said...

Don't you just hate the way some Norn Ironers use mini-roundabouts?

Not as much as I hate the way the Road Service place the bloody things. Especially when they just dump one in the middle of the road without making room to drive round it, leaving drivers with no alternative but to drive over the middle.

Examples: in Randalstown; by the council offices in Antrim; and basicially the entire Belvoir estate.


Nelly said...

I know the one you mean in Randalstown. It's a stinker. The entrance to my work is on one which makes getting home a little difficult.

You do have a point. I agree with roundabouts in principle but they are ill-thought out sometimes. And people do not use them properly.

But saying that I can get the Fiesta round most of them without tramping over the top of them. What do you drive? A Hummer?

Stray Toaster said...

Damn, I was going to mention roundabouts on my self-aggrandizing place. Now I can't. But aha! I can! As mine was in reference to NI people not being able to use them compared to Engerlish who can, whereas the Imperialists can't use traffic lights but the Colonists can.

Oh, right, that makes little-to-no sense. Normal service resumed then.

Anonymous said...

It's not what you drive, it's how you drive. Milla is only a wee 206, but when you're doing 65 down new street and need to use the handbrake to get round that corner, the roundabout is just too inconvenient.Plus, you lose a lot of traction.

No, seriously, I have to get up onto the roundabout a bit to get round it. Which is against the highway code. Naughty Milla.


Anonymous said...

I'm so glad i cant drive-when iwas learning i used to get a kind of drivers equivelant to vertigo: long story.
I was wondering Nelly, i know bert's prone to sipping the odd dram now and again, is there any in particular he quite likes?
mikeyboy xx

Nelly said...

To S-T - you can stll write your post if you elaborate on why the picts and celts cannot use roundabouts and the invaders cannot use traffic lights.

To Ed - I used to have a 206. Best car ever.

To Mikey - Laphroaig, he thinks, spelling that is. It is so good, smokey, fragrant, yummy. I like it too.

Anonymous said...

Ye's are very slow of the mark. I wrote a post about roundabouts and the inability of NI people to use them months ago in 100 observations about ni.


Nelly said...

Was that the one where you remarked that nearly all Norn Iron women have lesbian haircuts.

Anonymous said...

yes but I think I might have said a sensible shoe wearer haircut.


Nelly said...

I'm thinking of getting a beslian haircut. I'm fed up of my hair hinging roon' me in tartles.