Nobody Wants You When You're Old

So said Pearlie when she heard we'd gone to the Sperrins without her.

But Pearlie you couldn't climb a mountain.

Sure I dinny need to be climbing mountains. I'd just sit in the car and read a book while ye were climbing mountains.

And it's true. She'd be perfectly content doing that. But the Fiesta is so small and Pearlie and Bert both have very long legs. I said to Bert,

See this new van you're buying - can you get one with a big double passenger seat?

Why?

For me and Pearlie.

Vans are all much of a muchness at the front.

You're just saying that. You're telling me that you'll be so busy finding one high enough to transport your trees and bushes that you don't care if Pearlie and I are all squashed up at the front.

Aye.

But Pearlie was wrong about nobody wanting you when you're old for yesterday Bert had an errand to do at Swisser's. Now lately I've been a little concerned about Swisser. I know Swisser likes Bert a lot. In fact I believe she loves Bert a lot. But you can love my man too much. Which is why I suggested he take Pearlie with him when he went to Swisser's. Nobody wants you when you're old. Pah! Meet Pearlie - Chaperone Perfection.