Monday, August 08, 2005

Things Bert and I Argue About

  • Who let the dogs out?
  • Which of our Mums is the smartest.
  • Him telling Banjo Man, 'you don't know the half of it Banjo. She's a horrible c**t.'
  • Him leaving the hot water taps running.
  • His firearms licence renewal form.

Bert's filing system is horrendous. Everything is mixed up anyhow and consists of piles of dog-eared paper stuffed in various drawers and cupboards. When he needs to find anything it is total pandemonium. A couple of weeks ago I offered to sort it out for him. One of the first things I found was his firearms licence renewal. It hadn't been looked at and it was due within days.

So I filled it in and took mug shots and printed them. I found him two respectable referees namely Dr Swisser Clever-Clogs and Mr Clint Childhood-Friend. Swisser put on her headmistressy spectacles and the two of them completed their bit of the forms. Or so I thought but I'd started drinking wine by that time and didn't care any more. The next day we discovered an important part of the renewal hadn't been completed but Bert stuck it in an envelope and posted it anyway.

I'm still filing and sorting his stuff and today I found a wee brown envelope into which his mug shots were to have been inserted. I said,

You made a right bollix of filling in that form.

No. We made a right bollix of it.

Pardon?

I said we made a right bollix of it.

That was my cue for Nellyrage, horrible c**tiness and throwing a file at his head.

This is what I think. A person who cannot even fill in a form to licence his own guns shouldn't be allowed to have guns.

And my mother is the smartest.

7 comments:

Lost Identity said...

You have to have a license to own a gun? Wow. Here any nut can get one if she waits 30 days to get it. (A supposed cooling off period to stop me from buying a gun while angry at someone.)

Nelly, as irritating as Bert's filing system is...I'm glad that you don't have worse things to argue about.

When you ask each other "Who let the dogs out?" do you add the "woo woo woo woo" at the end? :-)

Nelly said...

We don't do the 'woo woo' bit at the end.

Gun licences - very important here. Doesn't mean that unlicenced guns aren't in the system but gun owners are supposed to have licences and to explain fully what they want them for. The right to bear arms is not enshrined in the UK as it is in the USA.

Anonymous said...

Boo! I demand that all bears be armed without all this paperwork malarkey.

ed

Nelly said...

Don't you think that bears are dangerous enough, with their huge fangs, sharp claws and reeking breath, without giving them guns as well?

Anonymous said...

Lets be honest, I can't really see a 500lb grizzly getting it's paws to work a 9mm pistol. I just think it would look mighty funny.

Plus, the only bears in Norn Iron are in the zoo, which is miles away from me, so I don't think theres much of a problem.

Ed

Nelly said...

Does it have to be a 9mm pistol? Couldn't they have cannons or something?

Anyway you started it about bears.

Anonymous said...

Did not. You mentioned bear first.

And now you're talking about giving bears artillery. Which is just crazy talk.