Friday, March 04, 2005

The Head Man Of The Paramilitaries

Nelly’s work often brings her into contact with the spide sub-culture.

Now one thing about this particular sub- culture that I have noticed is that many of them are the very bestest chums with The Head Man Of The Paramilitaries.

The media would have us believe that the Paramilitaries’ main concerns are protection rackets, drug dealing, cigarettes and diesel rackets not to mention giving disaffected youth a sense of identity. Nelly knows better. Their main business is actually acting as Agony Aunts and conflict management response to young female spides.

In my line of work I have found that when a difference of opinion arises between two female spides at least one of them will claim a close friendship with The Head Man Of The Paramilitaries. He will be called upon to sort out the problem that has arisen between these two females. The problem is usually extremely grave. One female will have chatted up/shagged another female’s boyfriend or may have stolen her carry-out/make-up, dissed her family or given her a smack. Thereupon The Head Man Of The Paramilitaries will be called upon. That poor man has his work cut out I can tell you. Time without number the Head Man Of The Paramilitaries has been winging his way to Harryville to settle a dispute but somehow never manages to arrive. I wonder why?

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

S'funny that. When I worked at Muckamore I also was told that "the head of the paramilitaries" would be coming to visit me on any number of occasions. Wonder is it still the same bloke/blokess. Have tickets to see Loudon Wainwright on 1st May in Manchester.

Nelly said...

It'll be the same boy. It's like being Pope - a job for life. Nice one about Loudon. I enjoyed that one very much. I'll be moving on to Rufus soon. I'm being tortured here. An epidemic of hypochondria has broken out here in H'ville and I have to go attend to someone who is having an Oscar nominated fainting fit.

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Zoë said...

Happy Mothers Day. Love from Zoë