Saturday, March 26, 2005

White Van Man

....Bert's one of those but he's not typical.

He doesn't drive with one elbow sticking out of the window.
He doesn't use a mobile whilst driving.
His average driving speed is 45mph.
He is unagressive and extremely polite & considerate to fellow road-users.

This morning I asked him if he'd care to help me with the housework. He said no as he would be busy 'pimping up his ride.'

  • This will involve sweeping all the compost and dog hairs out of the back.
  • Screwing on the bumper that he knocked off last night on Gorgeous Gage's gate post.
  • Removing the green slime from the top of the van.

So far I have loaded the washing machine, the dishwasher and made a mercy dash to the garage for chocolate milk for Bert. Needless to say I belted up.

At the garage Nelly waves choccy milk at Hans.

"Guess who was on the stout last night?"
"That's not right talking about Bert behind his back."
"Won't you be slagging him then?"
"Oh no."
"Too scared?"
"Yeah. He might let the dogs out of the van. Or worse, go and tell his mother on me."

Clint came round when Bert was pimping the ride. Bert says "when I get this finished I might hit the Port later on. Clint replied. "Ye might as well. Sure ye've hit everything else."


Anonymous said...

Yes, Bert is surely not typical White Van Man. And moreover I also know many people with white vans, but they are quite different from the descriptions which I often hear and see.

Anonymous said...

And I usually meet typical white van men. They drive very fast and very nervous and aggressive on the road. When I see white van, I can guess the driver's character without not knowing him.

Anonymous said...

My neighbor has a white van, but he is opposite of the description, maybe he is exception. Or maybe it because he bought his van only a year ago and after some time he will change.