Bit Tied Up

Paddy: Well Rose that’s a powerful nice mornin’. Ye fancy a wee scunge? I smell rabbits.

Rosie: Huh! I don’t see how I’ll get any scunging done today. D’ye not see the cut of me?

Paddy: Aye ye’re down in the mouth all right. What’s annoyin’ ye?

Rosie: God but yer stupid! Did the vit gie ye a lobotomy that time ye were in getting your balls off?

Paddy: No need to be nasty. I see what’s vexin’ ye now. Ye’re tied up aren’t ye?

Rosie: Aye! I am! It’s to do with that carry-on yesterday. 

Paddy: Aye yesterday! Yesterday was a good day. Pity Jamie had to come along and spoil it on us. 

Rosie: It’s Alber’ I blame. He should just have minded his own business that time he saw us on the Loan Road. Sure we weren’t payin’ any mine to that oul fecker of a farmer who was roarin’ and shoutin’ at us. 

Paddy: That fat oul fecker hadn’t a hope of catchin’ us. 

Rosie: Aye! Not even if he’d tuk tae the Loan Hill wae his oul Land Cruiser. And he wouldnae hae went there for fear o’ the yappin’ he’d get from the wife for dirtyin’ the motor and her wantin’ to take it into the town tae lift the weans frae school. 

Paddy: Then Alber’ appeared. 

Rosie: Aye and did ye hear the soft coaxin’ way he was trying to get us into the boot of his motor. He hadn’t a hope. 

Paddy: Right! Then we were aff again. Up the Loan Hill. 

Rosie: Nixt thing though Alber’ has his phone out.

Paddy: Tellin’ on us. Rosie: But sure by the time Bert and Nelly arrived we were nearly out of earshot.

Paddy: Didn’t stop them roarin’ and shoutin’ for us though. 

Rosie: We heared nothin’. 

Paddy: It’s not aisy hearin’ things wae yer head stuck down a rabbit hole. 

Rosie: Was it your idea or mine to go down to the low huntin’ grounds? 

Paddy: Was you, Rose. Ye always have the best ideas. 

Rosie: Aye! But it was your fool notion to go down the Dreen Road to get there. Wisht I hadn’t a listened tae ye on that one. Bad luckin’ that two dogs steppin’ down the road on their own an’ one wae his collar left hingin’ in a hawthorn bush. Nigel could lift you for that and then Nellybert would be in bother! 

Paddy: ‘Spose then it was a good thing Jamie came on us.

Rosie: Maybe. Ye were quare and soft jumpin’ intae his car so quick. 

Paddy: Ye weren’t far behind me! Anyway, I couldnae help mysel’. He was that sharp of the tongue. Just like Nelly. Soft words don’t work on me. I hae found in my time that folk that talk all soft and nice tae ye usually give ye a good kick up the arse when they catch a houl of ye. Sharp-tongued folk are just pleased ye done what ye were bid. 

Rosie: Nae matter ye’re still a big lick and a suck. 

Paddy: At least it’s not me that’s tied to a pruta weighbridge! 

Rosie: Away and feck! Ye’ll get yer turn!