Thursday, May 26, 2011

The Petting Zoo

When Clint bought our previous place it was rather wild and woolly. A bit like us really. Our back lane was like a tunnel it was that overgrown, there were trees everywhere and there was a garden. Peter the Weatherman had two tunnels full of leylandii and the ones he hadn't sold were rooting into the ground. It didn't take Clint long to begin clearing up. He cleared the lane and cut the hedges. Some hedges he pulled out and he felled many trees. He rooted up all the flower beds and replaced them with geese, sheds and flattened goose-shitty grass. He knocked down stone walls and old houses and built a big agricultural shed. Well. It was his place. He could do what he liked. Except all that vegetation actually provided much-needed shelter.

As a consequence Monday's stormy weather hit him hard. Bert went down to check how his livestock were doing and came across a scene that was close to carnage. There were young trees down and two of his wooden sheds had left their moorings and had blown away. One was in 'juggins' and another had rolled and broken through a wire fence and was standing on its roof. An ornamental holly tree had broken its fall. This was the shed that held 35 baby chicks and goslings and Bert just got to them in time. He gave me a call to help him and while he sifted through six inches of litter I carried the birds away in buckets to a safer place. They were all saved and how I do not know.

Yesterday Martha and I took a dander down the road to see how the little birds were doing.


First we had a look round the place to see the smashed trees. Martha said, "Broke'"



Then we checked the baby birds. Martha liked them very much. She said, "Nice."


We'll go back to see them next week. And they will be much bigger. There is a country saying,

...growing like a gosling.

Ah well. Clint might have given our old place a serious pruning and tidying but at least he keeps a petting zoo for there are three little calves and two young goats as well on the property. He should get a donkey and some rabbits. I must mention this to him.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

The End of the World As We Knew It.


It was in October last year that Nellybert went to Donegal. To say that the trip was disappointing would be no exaggeration. We decided to give it another try.

The weather was not as good as it had been on our last outing. But that was in October so, of course, you'd expect it to be glorious. You cannot look for blue skies in May and they turned out every bit as grey as you'd imagine.

We sat at Five Fingers Bay where the tide was in. I scrambled on the shingle to collect wee square pebbles to fill in the spaces in the paths where the Bann brick is crumbling away. Bert sat in the van and watched as the tide started to go out again. He said he'd never seen such a thing before for he doesn't get out much. I said if he noticed it going out really fast and far we should jump in the van and race for the hills as it would mean a tsunami was coming and we were expecting the end of the world. Strangely I wasn't that concerned. If the end of the world comes, it comes.

The gloom of the weather did not perturb us and we headed for Doagh Famine Village which turned out to be a most interesting and entertaining experience. Deserves a post of it's own really. I might call it 'Play Down The Famine' Village which was a new and very interesting view of the National Tragedy. Can't say I disapprove.

The weather did not improve and we drove to the Mamore Gap, stopping at the famous shrine where I prayed a bit and made a small offering. I thought I was praying to St Colmcille but it turned out to be Padre Pio. Apparently he comes highly recommended by those in the know. So Ganching, if something good happens to you next week - let me know and I may start my own shrine to Padre Pio on the Dreen Road beside our wee spring or Holy Well as I now call it.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

She Was Clean When She Got Here


Martha always comes to me perfectly turned out but after a few hours here she's working the Infant Bag Lady look. Today we had dress-up. That frock was picked straight from the ironing basket and her hat was originally intended for Romanian orphans. The vintage jewellery is courtesy of Pearlie. Not sure how she got her dirty face but I am sure she enjoyed getting it.

She was stung today by a honey bee on her ear lobe. There were tears but not many of them.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Clearing Up


Three weeks ago since Matty died.

We tidied her grave yesterday - removed the wreathes which were beginning to fade. I saved the cards and the little card-holders. The card-holders will be useful for marking where seeds are sown in the raised beds. Matty would have approved. She loved a garden, be it of flowers or be it of vegetables.

It was one of her biggest regrets, as she grew older, that she wasn't able to keep up with her garden. Since she died I have been gardening like fury.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

The Magic Word


PEAS!

...is what Miss Martha says when she wants to bend me to her will.

She is a great one for the single word commands.

OUT!

She likes to explore the outside and spends a great deal of time in the poly tunnels.

BOOK!

When Granny sits down it can only be for one reason. To read to her grand daughter.

UP!

Sometimes a cuddle is needed. But soon she'll be commanding...

DOWN!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Two Weeks


bluebells 2011, originally uploaded by NellyMoser.

Every now and then I hear something or someone tells me something and I think to myself, I could blog about that. Then I sit down to write and I cannot remember one single thing to write about.

Two weeks ago since Matty died.

I saw an awful lot of bluebells. That's something at least.

Thursday, May 05, 2011

mammy and joe


mammy and joe, originally uploaded by NellyMoser.

The young bro and Matty.

the man with the lurcher


the man with the lurcher, originally uploaded by NellyMoser.

This dog is so unruly it needs two leads in case one breaks. The man on the other end of the two leads is a true dog-lover, says if that dog ran off it would never come back it's that wild. He was very sweet - loved our Judy, says she's a lurcher too.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Going Over Home

Martha Byrne

28th July 1926 - 27th April 2011

I'm just a poor wayfaring stranger

Travelling through this world of woe
There is no sickness, toil nor danger
In that bright land to which I go
I'm going there to see my Father
And all my loved ones who've gone on
I'm just going over Jordan
I'm just going over home

I know dark clouds will gather 'round me
I know my way is hard and steep
But beauteous fields arise before me
Where God's redeemed their vigils keep
I'm going there to see my mother
She said she'd meet me when I come
So I'm just going over Jordan
I'm just going over home

Saturday, April 23, 2011

baby reared by wolves


baby reared by wolves, originally uploaded by NellyMoser.

Mama Wolf is so kind that she went to the Mace and bought her cub a yogurt. It made a refreshing change from morsels of raw rabbit.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Another Normal Day

I woke just before 7am and decided not to get up. Immediately I fell into dreams. I dreamed that my mother was dying and that I held her in my arms and would not let her go. We lived in a succession of damp, dilapidated and tumbledown sheds and still I would not let her go. She got frailer and smaller and eventually she was as small as a baby. She was my baby, she was also another person called Shirley and still she was my mother. She was dying and I had to get her a coffin. She was small enough to fit in an infant's casket but I knew that because she had been a woman I needed to get her a woman-sized coffin.

These are the dreams I have without opiates. God only knows what Matty dreams. She told my sister, in one of her lucid moments, that it was like 'being in two places at once.'

Today was my Miss Martha day. We went to Matty's then out for a run with Great Aunt Ganching (with whom Miss Martha has become most enamoured). Next home to see Bert, a picnic on the lawn and a very relaxing afternoon with toys and pigs and dogs.

When Martha went home I spent a while watering the vegetables (this will be my role and it is a very important one) and then gathering sticks, a proper outdoor barbecue (no charcoal) and pork chops, spinach and baked potatoes for supper.

Another normal day. Tomorrow I go shopping for funeral clothes.


Monday, April 18, 2011

Off Out

Off out to Matty's house now for another day of nothing much. There will be phone calls and visitors and little walks and lots of talks.

Matty is full of dreams and is slowly, very slowly, slipping away from us.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Happy Birthday Ha!


watching the monkeys, originally uploaded by NellyMoser.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Being Normal

We went to the zoo today, Martha and Hannah and Bert and I. And we had a most enjoyable day. Of course, like all right-thinking people, I'm in several minds about zoos - there are animals that seem to like it well enough and there are others that give me the impression that living in captivity isn't that great. The African wild dogs looked just like any depressed dog that has to live in a run. And the lowland gorillas looked as if their life was very dreary too. But Miss Martha knows nothing of these dilemmas and she mostly had a very good time. There was the problem of the hills that she kept wanting to run down and we kept not wanting her to for fear of falling over. There were still a few tumbles despite our best efforts. Sadly these occurred just around about the time we were seeing the ring-tailed lemurs which were my best thing. I loved it that they refused to be confined to their area and incorporated workmen's vans as a part of their territory. Big up to those workmen who were more than happy to share their van with their furry chums.

Part of our day out was in honour of Hannah who has a birthday tomorrow. Not a significant one as she's one year off that. But a birthday none the less. And Hannah, or Ha!, as Martha calls her, is a very good person to have around when Miss Martha is part of the company. Ha! has a certain energy and youthfulness that comes into good effect when Nellybert has a very energetic toddler to keep care of.

So. Being normal. A day at the zoo. Always in my mind when being normal is that Matty, the head of our family, our senior member is dying. And that her time on this earth is coming close, very close, to it's end. After our normal day out we called to the home place where Leitrim Sister, our Dee! is in charge and where Bert made Dee! a cup of tea and we talked with our Senior Martha and she was pleased to see us, particularly Miss Martha, and we relished it because soon, very soon she is going to be so preoccupied with her business of dying that she will not be able to welcome us like that.

But for now - being normal. It's the best we can do.

Bert and Martha at the Zoo


viewing penguins, originally uploaded by NellyMoser.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

The Garden Where The Praties Grow

Job done

Today was a good day and I started preparing for it yesterday when I persuaded Bert that he and I should begin our outdoor potato drills. He had many objections.


We haven't any seed.


We'll go and see Frank at Slemish Market Garden and buy some.


It's an awful lot of work for just the two of us.


And aren't we well able for it?


There was chat about leaving it to Monday but when the weather forecast was consulted I decided that it was Sunday or never.


We went to the Slemish Market Garden and were as impressed as always. I can't wait to sneak back another day and gather up some more perennials for my decorative garden. Not today though because we were in serious vegetable mode.


I had some misgivings myself at the start. It was a lot of work. But we got into it, not minding the dogs that were hanging around relaxing while we worked like dogs. There was rotavating, and dung spreading and dropping and earthing. Rachael turned up with an hour to spare and then there was a frenzy of dung spreading and spud dropping. Rachael works at a speed no ordinary mortal can compete with. After the potatoes she sowed beans in moments and then dashed off to pick up daughter from one place and husband another place.*


I've learned a lot from that girl. She believes in working hard and fast. From her example (and FlyLady) I have discovered that most dreary household tasks actually take tiny amounts of time to complete, compared to the amounts of time a person might put in atrophying in front of a computer screen. For example I have discovered that I can mop my scullery and hall in less than three minutes. Impressive? I certainly thought so.


So after around four hours we were able to look at what we had achieved and feel rather pleased with ourselves. Those potatoes are going to taste very good. The first ones ever in my life that will be seasoned with the memory-scent of well-rotted dung and fresh sweat.


As I said, it was a good day, one I was glad of. The day before was a good enough day too. I spent a good part of it with my mother. She had a big setback this week and is not the better of it yet, although she is better than she was at the start of the week. She has been in bed continuously all of last week, too weak to get up. Her urinary functions are not going well and she has a catheter fitted. She is rather confused but still knows who everyone is and knows what is going on. I'm afraid that she will not gain back the ground she has lost. But.... she is still Matty, she still gives her family, her carers and her visitors beautiful welcoming smiles and yesterday she put a bet on the Grand National and had fish and chips for her tea.


* the pub

Thursday, April 07, 2011

Turf Castles


turf castles, originally uploaded by NellyMoser.

Just a random picture from one of my favourite places on earth - the moss at Drumkeeran.

Monday, April 04, 2011

No Well

Like everyone else who can, I visit my mum on Mother's Day and yesterday was no exception. Just like always she was surrounded by cards and flowers and presents. Just like always the family living far away called to wish her happy Mother's Day. What was different yesterday was that Matty wasn't well enough to talk to her far away children nor was she able to take much interest in her cards or presents.

Matty has had a bit of a setback - another urinary tract infection and she couldn't get up today. The Doctor came, prescribed another course of antibiotics and said she should be feeling better in a few days.
Tricia and her little dog left this morning. Miss Macy was very excited to be going back to Kerry but my sister felt terrible about leaving. I watched her car until it was out of sight and I felt terribly sorry for her. All day the sight of Miss Macy's little basket has saddened me. I miss that little dog.

Usually, when I am here I feel fine. Today I feel lost and a bit scared. But maybe Doctor's right and in just a day or two Matty will be feeling much better.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Wobbly Wiggler

Yesterday one of the younger members of our gardening cooperative was over. She was telling me that she has several very wobbly teeth. I told her that, I too, had a wobbly one. It was an excellent chance for me, as a boring adult, to give the little'un one of my earnest homilies. I grabbed the opportunity and lectured Sylvie on how important it is to brush and take care of teeth when you are young because gnashers have to last you a long time and mine aren't going to. And there was lots of wobbling and clacking to prove my point.

Later on I was wobbling and wiggling my little front tooth that has been giving me so much annoyance. And as I wobbled it back and forth and wiggled it up and down I noticed that it wasn't even the least bit uncomfortable. Next thing it was out without even a twinge. At first I was elated - then I quickly deflated. I wish someone had given me an earnest homily when I was young and impressionable.




Saturday, March 26, 2011

Bert and the Baby

Bert was extremely miffed when he heard that Miss Martha was going to the zoo.

But we were for taking her to the zoo!

And we will still be taking her.

But she'll already have seen everything. It won't be as exciting for her.

It will still be exciting for her. She's only eighteen months old. She doesn't get jaded as easily as we do.

Bert doesn't really understand babies yet. Take the other day.

We were all sitting in a row eating bowls of yummy porridge. Well. Bert and I were. Martha was just looking at hers. I wasn't too worried as she'd already had her breakfast. When Bert had his all scoffed he said,

Martha's not going to eat that. I may as well have it.

So he removed her bowl from her and started to eat it. She stared at him. She was astonished. Her expression seemed to say - I cannot believe you just did that. She turned to me and the expression on her face said - Can you believe he just did that? Then she turned to look at the empty place where her little bowl had been and she gave a long, sad sigh. Bert was mortified. He gave the child her porridge back. She picked up her little pink spoon and she slowly, methodically worked her way through it. When she was almost done she picked up the bowl and drank it's contents until the bowl shone as if it had been licked by a diligent dog. Bert's new name? Goldilocks. I think he'll be leaving the Baby Bear's porridge alone from now on.

Friday, March 25, 2011

When I'm 64

That is the age at which I will now receive a state pension.

Oh well. I think I shall have to become a bank robber.

Don't tell anyone I said that.

Joking aside - it was terribly unjust that women were entitled to a pension five years before men. What was that all about? And it's not as if 60 is even old these days. Or so I like to kid myself.

It's the kids I feel sorry for. There they'll be trying to get a foot on the career ladder starting with something humble and character-forming like working the aisles in B&Q or Tescos and there will be all the old codgers like me taking their jobs. And I will too - if the bank robbing thing doesn't work out.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Boiler Suit Days

Martha models her new boiler suit (Blue Castle same as Bert wears) while Rusty and Lily look on. Rusty is the sneering pig in the middle of the picture. He looks like he might be saying something hateful. Look at his twisted mouth. And Lily looks as if she's hearing some nasty comment. What do you think he might be saying?

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Clearing My Head

The right side of the attic

I'm not very 'feng shui' in the attic department. Apparently it's supposed to be hard to look forward to the future when there's so much clutter "hanging over your head." I don't want my children to have to go up there and deal with all that shite when I'm not able to. My father had the right idea. He did not allow anything to be stored in the roof space. But then he did have lots of big sheds. We have sheds too but they are Bert's and they aren't as dry as Daddy's were.

I always wanted an attic and was determined we'd have an accessible one when this house was being renovated. In the story books I read as a child they were always exciting places full of treasure. You'd open a trunk and it would be full of the most wonderful things from the olden days. There would be ivory fans, embroidered shawls and silken dresses your Granny used to wear. There would be hand written journals and carvings and mysterious old photographs. There would be beads and toys and ancient maps.

Not so in my childhood home. Granny's old dresses ended up as cleaning rags and the only thing in our attic was spiders and flittery things like bats and trapped birds.

The left side of the attic

There is no Victorian or Edwardian treasure in my attic. For sure there are old things up there - the detritus of generations. Bert's old pram is there. Pearlie's amazing collection of unused souvenir tea towels is there. And all those ornamental cats from when I had a cat collection. The attic is also full of rucksacks. Whoever uses rucksacks now?

The Protestant side of the attic

The really old stuff comes from Bert's side of the family. There are bits and pieces of Orange and Black regalia from when his father and uncles were in those orders. I really don't know what to do with those.

The Catholic side of the attic

And then there is this Sacred Heart picture that Matty gave me when I first got my own house. I haven't had it on the wall for decades but I still don't want to throw it out. A lot of ancestor issues there. So - if anyone wants me I'll be in the attic going through all the Christmas cards Bert ever received from 1959 to 1972. Or I might be perusing Pearlie's school books from the 1930s.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Catching Up

Thursday was a busy, busy day getting everything at Matty's 'redd up' for Kerry Sister coming. And looking after Miss Martha with Hannah's help. I made a lot of soup and went to Randalstown Play Park which is one of Martha's favourite places. While we were there she mastered the low, low swing.

Swing low sweet Miss Martha

On Friday we went out for dinner at a friend's house. Happy days for us that Wee Les and his lady are foodies. Please forgive Nellybert anyone else who has ever cooked for us, but that was the most delicious meal that anyone has ever given us. And there were four desserts!

Earlier on Saturday we got new baby calves. They will be called Poppy and Zillah. They're awfully small and keep stepping delicately out between the bars of the stall.

Poppy makes a break for freedom

Saturday was spent decluttering, tackling hotspots, swishing & swiping and shining my sink. Guess who's been on the FlyLady site? After all that I got good and drunk.

Today more swishing and swiping and a big huff at Bert for not bringing down his dirty laundry the second I asked him. I really must get a life. And I must stop eating so many desserts so that I won't have any more distressing conversations with the Honest Man from Portglenone. But that's another blog post for another day.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Down On One Knee. Not!

According to the Daily Mail, one in four brides are not happy with the way their partners proposed. Humph! Silly tarts methinks. Shouldn't they just be glad that they got proposed to at all?

Anyways this young friend of mine got proposed to in Paris. Which is pretty romantic by most people's standards. It was a surprise (she says and I believe her) but this is what happened. She and her beloved landed at their hotel and he suggested a walk. Little did she know he was looking for a properly romantic place to drop to one knee. They walked and they walked. Her feet were killing her. She has a propensity for sexy footwear. Nelly would have been wearing hiking boots. Eventually her beau found a place that he deemed suitable for the occasion. They sat down (she very gratefully) on a bench. He popped the question, there was a rat looking at them (she said yes) it was dirty ol' Paris after all. These two are going to be very happy - I feel that in my water.

The Nellybert proposal? It was the 29th February 2008. Drink had been taken. The time was probably around a quarter to twelve. I looked into his eyes, and said, "Will you marry me?" He gazed at me all google-eyed said, "Yes." Next day I told everyone we were engaged. Think it was the following August we got married. That's what I call timing. We didn't bother with an engagement ring. Or a rat.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the last day of my current stint in the Matty House. It's been the best part of three weeks with a couple of very short breaks home. And tomorrow will be a good day. I will have the company of Miss Martha from 9am and Miss Hannah is coming at midday to help me out as she has done for three Thursdays in a row. All being well we are going to Randalstown play park when J. from Marie Curie comes to sit with Matty for a while.

The amazing Matty keeps in good spirits although she does seem to get more tired and weary with every passing day. We've been up and down more often than her ripple bed. With hindsight this has been a good time even though I'm exhausted too. I still believe it was worth leaving work for.

Not to say that there haven't been downsides. I just don't want to think about them right now for tomorrow night I'm going home to Bert, the dogs, the pigs and the cats in exactly that order.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Mum's Field.


Mum's Field., originally uploaded by triciamorimori.

This is something like the view I would have from the kitchen window, where I currently sit, if that window wasn't all steamed up from the vegetable broth I have on the hob. The extractor fan is far too noisy and would disturb my present tranquillity. Matty is napping and the only sounds I can hear are the pipple of the broth, the churn of the washing machine and a constant hum of traffic from the Lisnevenagh Road.

The light in Tricia's photograph is so beautiful and begs to be shared.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Cheeky Bitch

Old girls and their matching trews

Matty was poorly yesterday with lots of cramping in her stomach. We brought out the heavy duty painkillers which made her quite woozy. Last night, after I'd gone to bed, she was really sick. I heard the noises and thought at first that it was burglars. Hell no! Nothing as uncomplicated as that - just Matty throwing up. I got it sorted. This morning she was a bit confused, thought it was seven in the evening instead of the morning.

The doctor called and told us that it might just have been a stomach bug. She's not in bad form at all. She lay and dozed all through 'Coronation Street' and had to be woken up to go to bed. I teased her about how she instructed the carer and myself as to how she'd get to her feet from a lying position. I said,

You're good at this. You must have been listening to the physio. You could train physios yourself.

She liked this.

The carer told me later that Matty said I was a 'cheeky bitch' and went off to her bed laughing about training physios. That's my Matty. Still got the spirit.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Bachelor Boy

I had a brief visit home last night and part of today. Bert had not used the washing machine even though I had left him detailed instructions. My home is reverting to the look and feel of a bachelor pad. There were dirty dishes in the sink, a slight smell of socks and shop-bought meat pies in the fridge. The vegetables were mouldering uneaten and we were perilously low on toilet paper. There was no milk.

I said to him,

Do you miss my cooking?

He said,

Sure you haven't cooked anything for ages.

Duh! In the past three weeks I've spent sixteen days at Matty's. When I do get home I'm not going to start cooking for him after all the invalid meals I'm preparing at the Ponderosa. I had a major huff.

How soon he forgets. Mind you, I had forgotten the delicious pea and ham soup he had made when I'd got away for an hour on Wednesday not to mention the raspberry muffins for afters. I was still huffing when Mr & Mrs Wee Les came in. It was a relief to have an excuse to stop.

Afterwards we watched ancient footage of The Blues both the authentic and the somewhat less so. It was wonderful going to bed knowing that I would not have to bounce out of it at 7:15 sharp. All I did this morning was read an Anita Shreve, take a long, deep bath and go for a walk in the fields. It was noisy out there with the rat-a-tat-tat coming from the shooting range at the Loan Hill and the sound of the hunting horn and the hounds on the Granagh Road. But it was far, far better than the ceaseless drone of traffic on the Lisnevenagh Road and waiting for the wee voice that goes, “Meer-eeee.”

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Fair Exchange Is No Robbery

Miss Martha has inherited the family gene for taking great pleasure in hoking about thrift and charity shops. Today we checked out the charity shop at Junction One which is particularly good for toys and children's books. However Martha was not that interested in toys or books. Instead she made a beeline for a box of knitted hats. She was keen on the lemon one and wanted Granny to have the baby pink one. Her own pixie, skilfully knitted by Zoe, was tossed among the other hats. We managed to dissuade her from the lemon and baby pink and got her back in her stripey bonnet. I don't think Mama would have pleased with the lemon number. It wasn't really Martha's colour.


Wednesday, March 09, 2011

Over The Moon

Please God don't ever let me say this. Don't ever let me say, if I'm pleased about something, no matter how pleased I am, don't ever let me say that I'm 'over the moon'. Just kill me if I ever say that.
It's not that I dislike all cliches. I'm partial to 'Mmmm doughnuts,' and 'Sweet' a la Simpson and Griffin and I quite like 'Way!' as a shorthand for 'Way to go.' A North American friend once told me that's what all the American wallies say to one of their number if he does something they approve of.
And how I hate the expression 'killer' when it is used to describe heels or curves. So Rihanna's got killer curves. No she hasn't. She's got an attractive, shapely figure. Who's she going to kill with it? Then killer heels. Spare me. Obviously heels could, at a pinch, be used to kill someone but I'm not really seeing it. And 'working it' is another over used phrase from the cheap fashion pages that I loathe.
Then 'journey'. So you're a 'celebrity' on a reality show. Maybe it's 'Dancing on Ice' and you've just been told to go home and you'll be gasping out about what an incredible 'journey' you've been on. Very good. You learned a new skill. You skated your heart out. You're going home. That wasn't a journey. It was just another job.
I've saved my most hated expression to last. Can you guess what it is? I have a grand daughter. She is amazing. I love her. She is gorgeous and probably the most intelligent person born in 2009. But if I ever hear anyone calling her a 'Princess' I will kill them (with my killer curves). Some little girls might want to buy into that princess shit but my Miss Martha is better than that. Princess my arse! And if you are one of those parents or grandparents who refer to your female child as a 'princess' you are a wee bit sick. Who the fuck would want to be a princess? Kate - it's not too late. I know the tea towels have been printed but you can still get out.

Tuesday, March 08, 2011

Shrove Tuesday

Matty and I had a good day yesterday. She was in good form, we took a drive out and she had a wee walk around the garden.

Today wasn't as good. I woke up feeling that, at sometime during the night, someone had trailed me out of bed and given me a sound kicking. No doubt the result of my tumble in the birch wood yesterday.

After breakfast I had a little chat with Matty about my hopes for getting a bit of home leave this weekend. She took a sour view of it. And got in a bit of a mood. When a body is spending the best part of fourteen hours a day with another body things can get intense. I kept my head but it made me feel down.

At least we had Zoe and Miss Martha for a couple of hours and we had pancakes. And I got a whole twenty minutes walk over to the Pipe Road. I made Matty promise she wouldn't move an inch from her chair. Despite this precaution I spent the entire twenty minutes fretting that I'd find her in a heap when I returned. It certainly added an inch to my step! She was good, never budged at all.

Tomorrow I expect to have lots of respite and I'm looking forward to it.

Monday, March 07, 2011

The Loan Hill

Loan Hill from the Killyless Road


I thought I spotted the Loan Hill from Drumkeeran the other day so I borrowed Matty's birdwatching binoculars to see if I could get a better view. It's only a mere ten miles away with no high ground between.

Loan Hill from the Ballyconnelly Road

We used to enjoy walking up there to admire the view but now there is a firing range beside it and, to tell the truth, I'm heart scared of getting shot. Those dirty devil scunging dogs would often be around it in their dirty devil scunging days but now Rosie, poor thing, is long gone and, these days, Paddy is far too old and lazy to get off the sofa.

Uncle John came from 'Hunshin and he said their dogs often escaped the leash and headed for the Loan Hill for which they had a fondness. It is a very rabbitty place.

One of the views from the Loan Hill

I had no luck with the binoculars today as it was far too hazy. They were heavy old things and I was going a bit further so I stashed them in the hedge for collection on the way back.

I only had thirty minutes as Cousin Pauline was sitting with Matty. I found a bit of the moss I'd never been in before. It was actually a wild birch wood growing on the edge of the moss. I raced about it for a while, managed to trip on a bramble and fall flat on my face. Thankfully peat makes a soft landing so no harm done.

On the way back I walked right past the spyglasses for I was deep in memories from long, long ago. I had to return but damned could I find them. I'd left them behind a mossy stump near some holly and the whole bloody hedge was mossy stumps near some holly for about forty feet. I persevered and found them. I was at least ten minutes late for Pauline although she didn't seem to mind. She's a good girl. There'll be another day to search for a sight of the Loan Hill from Drumkeeran.

Sunday, March 06, 2011

The Springhill Project

Bert says,

Clint's changed his mind about putting the meadow in potatoes this year. Says he has no time and anyway, what's he going to do with 9 tons of spuds.

Oh. Well we'll just have to plant a garden of potatoes somewhere.

There's nowhere for them.

What do you mean?

I don't know where we'd put them.

Balls! You mean out of fifty acres we can't find some wee place to grow a few drills of potatoes?

Well what do you suggest then?

There's no point in me suggesting anything for as soon as I say what about there, or maybe there, you'll have about a million reasons why we can't because that's what you love. Being negative.

And so we bickered on until Zoe and Martha appeared at the door all wellied up and ready for a day's gardening. I was just a bit mortified. Caught arguing like a pair of weans yet again! Even though we quit it the second she appeared she'd know. So I said,

Great timing Zoe. We were just discussing where we'd plant our spuds in light of Clint reneging on the meadow.

Within thirty minutes we'd all viewed up a couple of places and made our decision. Well Zoe made it. It's such a relief when a responsible adult turns up and puts the sillies on the right track even if she is their daughter.

We ended up having a most productive day. Rachael turned up after lunch and we sowed, and dug and pruned and planned. My primary task was entertaining Miss Martha. I had no complaint about that. And that's why I've had no time to blog this weekend. Taking gardening leave.

Thursday, March 03, 2011

Young Dog, Old Dog



wait for me!, originally uploaded by NellyMoser.
I actually don't know how old Bonnie is. She did come to us as a stray. But I'd say she's getting on. She is not as able as she was a few years ago and like many GSDs she seems to have hip problems.

The hip issues won't have been helped by her start in life. God only knows how long she spent tied in that shed with no exercise and inadequate food.

Still - she's happy now even if only a few hours on the beach chasing after that pup leaves her completely tired out the next day.

Tuesday, March 01, 2011

Judy To The Rescue

And Bert.

I just keep getting the bloody cold. For a couple of years, before Matty got ill, I had neither cough nor sneeze but these past few months I never seem to be without the cold for more than a couple of weeks.

The one I've got now started with a headache. On day two my eyes itched. Day three brought the nose thing, lots of sinus and snotter. Day four was the throat and day five as well. Day six dem thing has settled on my chest. I caved in and phoned the doc for antibiotics. The chest hurts and I get out of puff if I exert myself etc. etc.

Of course tomorrow it might have moved to my diapraghm, day eight my belly, day nine my toot, day ten my knee and day eleven my big toe and then the whole thing would be gone. But I can't risk it!

Many, many thanks to Bert and the Judester who brought the drugs all the way from Cully. Here's hoping they work. Matty thought the Judester was lovely. Bert comments,

See her paws all covered in dried cow dung.

I hiss,

Shut up!

Thankfully Matty didn't see or hear.

I discovered today that I can see the Loan Hill from the Drumkeeran Road. When it all gets too much here I shall walk down the road and look over and cry.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Yummy Grummy


I Love Granny, originally uploaded by hootchinhannah.

I have been looking for a new profile picture for a while, one in which I did not look too horribly fat. Uncle John called me 'a Tank' last week. Most wounding but I have been scoffing the pies recently.

Anyway - this photo pleases me. I wish I could wear Martha all the time. She takes kilos off me!

Saturday, February 26, 2011

The Cleansing Pow'r

I decided to have a lovely relaxing bath this afternoon. Lots of hot water, lots of bubbles, a towel to keep my hair out of the bubbles and something intellectual to peruse. Heaven. It's wonderful to live in the quiet of the country.


Hark! There's Plum crowing. Never mind. A rooster crowing is part of the country atmosphere. Outside Bert opens up the chainsaw. Never mind. The noise of wood clearance is all part of living on a farm. The back door opens. It's one of Pearlie's carers. It's the singing one. She is singing, at the very top of her voice, “Washed In The Blood Of The Lamb”. She puts the kettle on. Singing away, thumping time on the counter tops as she waits for it to boil.


I lie in my suds. I usually seethe at the Singing Carer but who gives a hoot? I'm home for a little while. Let her sing her hymns. The mad old bat.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Stringing It

New pictures in the corner. Hannah is responsible for the action pic of Dan & Rosie. She took the shot, framed the picture, sang the theme tune.

Last week I left a couple of items into Framework in Ballymena. They were an enlarged photograph of Lily and Rusty (a wee freebie from Photobox) and a poster I picked up in Burnham Market during Katy and Mark's wedding celebrations. I collected them today and was delighted with the results.


Rusty and Lily looking inquisitive

Only thing was I needed string for the hanging. Do you know how hard it is to buy string in Ballymena? Very difficult indeed. I tried Poundland and BM Bargains. No string. Lots and lots of customers there. All sorts of people too. Sign of the times. I bought interesting soup, envelopes and cheap drugs (cold remedies not crystal meth). But still there was no string.


Onwards to Sainsburys – I needed anchovies and a blouse and string. You know – your typical shopping list. Blouse easy to find, 25% off, very nice. Anchovies – wearisome and tedious trek around the entire store to find them. They were eventually located above frozen food cabinets. What is the logic? Beats me for sure. I bought four tins for God knows where they'll be next time I want them. String is not something that Sainsbury's customers have any call for. I left stringless.


Last port of call was my local garage in Cullybackey. I walked in, picked up some milk and called, “Darwin d'ye have any string?” Immediately a staff member darts to the back of the shop and comes back with the desired article. “Is that what you're after?”


At home, for the surprise of the thing, I got Bert in to open the carefully wrapped pictures of Desperate Dan, Rusty and Lily and there was the picture string already supplied. My searching had all been in vain.


My recommendations this week are for Framework, Hill Street Ballymena for a wonderful framing job and string and Hayes Garage, Dreen Road, Cullybackey for the usual great service and string.



Thursday, February 24, 2011

Drumkeeran's Finest


Drumkeeran's Finest, originally uploaded by NellyMoser.

Shilvodan - Smells Like Shit. Finest Kind Shit. Can I be an Estate Agent now?

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Miss Martha Calls


another new coat, originally uploaded by NellyMoser.

A visit from Miss Martha cheers granny and great-granny up.

Today she was wearing the vintage coat that Cousin Sadie (aka the Surly Niece) brought her from Peru or Chile or Somewhere South American.

We're all rather pleased with it, especially Miss Martha who is keen on her vintage.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Big Mother

Day 2 in the Matty house.

You'd be sitting there and suddenly a Marie Curie nurse would come bouncing in and say,

I'm here from half three to half five if you want to go out.

And what else can you do but go out. Thing is you haven't planned anything. Quick! Rack brains. Matty requested ham and there was none. Go to Asda, buy ham. Then go for walk in the Castle Grounds. Could have went to visit Wee Laura K and Baby Caitlin but no present organised. A walk in Castle Grounds and listen to audio-book. Damn. Forgot earphones. The Castle Grounds is having some work done. The paths are pure glaar. My trainers are bogging and yet I have left Hunters in the car. How disorganised is that?

I meet Eugene walking a Parson Russell terrier. He's somebody I know from decades ago and I hadn't seen him for decades until a month ago when I met him and his wife in Lidls. We chatted dogs for a while. I walked away thinking about the olden days when Antrim people didn't speak with a Belfast twang and we were all full of beans and the bull.

On the way back I avoided the soggy, disgustingly wet Castle Grounds and walked past the chapel where I looked in on Daddy's grave. It has been well over a year since I visited. His grave is just next to the plot where the babies are buried and there was a new headstone. It was very small, said BABY and had the child's name. On it was inscribed,

I will never forget you
I held you in the palm of my hand

Who wouldn't weep?

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Being Here

I'm on my own in Tannaghmore with Matty. It's been a while. She is in bed and settled for the night. I'm sitting here with a small glass of wine writing this and listening to the incessant roar of traffic on the Lisnevenagh Road. In the next room Dancing on Ice plays softly. I wonder if Kerry Katona is going out? Matty gives an occasional rattly cough resulting from her latest infection.


I'm here for four sleeps and then Ganching comes. After that I'm here again for I don't know how many sleeps.


I dislike being away from home. I enjoy being around my own people, my animals and my own things. I've a huge bag of my own things with me. There are eight or more books. Bert said,


You must be going to do a lot of reading.


I say,


I want to be able to choose from a roughnance of my own books. Matty's books do not appeal to me.


I've three books on vegetable growing to peruse. I have two cameras. I have a Clothkits pinafore to sew. I have my iPod with an audiobook to finish and another freshly loaded. I have some mixed herbs. I have this laptop.


I find this a very boring house. I always have. When Matty was well there was at least the craic with her. There is not much of that now; only a bit of desultory chat for she is too tired for conversation now. When visitors call she generally nods off. The day is punctuated with care visits which start at 7:30am and finish around 9pm. In between there is medication, toileting, small meals to prepare, small amounts of cleaning to be carried out and many telephone calls to take.


That is what it is like now. Perhaps sometime in the future I will yearn for this boredom.


Saturday, February 19, 2011

Judy's First Trip To The Seaside

Dee Mac said the other day, "You should take that pup to the beach. I think she'd enjoy it."

I think Dee Mac was right about that.

We went to Whitepark Bay.

Our last three dogs before Judy have not enjoyed swimming.

There's not been a swim-hound around Nellybert's since old Danny died. Until now.

Good call Dee Mac.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Work Experience

It was my Miss Martha day today. We began with a visit to Matty. Then it was off to Montgomerys in Ballymena for coffee with Dede. Martha loves Montgomerys because of the children's play area. She was plied with pickled onion crisps by a young admirer called Charlie. Crisps aren't a normal part of Martha's diet but her Mummy does not have too many objections if they are offerings from other children. Why be churlish?

After a little sleep (Martha not Granny) and lunch we went out to the tunnels to help Bert and Dee Mac tidy. Miss Martha proved to be very useful indeed.

This was a great help. I'm short of arm so with Martha holding the shovel I was able to make great progress with the sweeping. Martha was keen to operate the brush but it was too big for her. We will have to get her a more manageable one. And a boiler suit. She'll be needing one of those for her farming and horticultural pursuits.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Babes in the Wood.


Babes in the Wood., originally uploaded by triciamorimori.

My girl and her girl.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Every Picture Tells A Story


pigwranglin, originally uploaded by NellyMoser.

One day when Judy was a very small pup and Lily and Rusty were quite a bit smaller than they are now, she tripped up to them all trusting and puppish and Rusty nipped her and tossed her in the air. I happened to catch it in a little movie but never showed it as it was sort of harrowing.

There was no real physical damage done to the dog but ever since she has HATED pigs. They don't hate her. They treat her as if she is a particularly annoying buzzing fly. As you would too if you were built like a mini Sherman tank made out of bacon.

I wonder what Miss Martha makes of it all?

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

What I Did On My Holidays

I completed my last day of paid employment a fortnight ago. The idea was that I'd be getting straight stuck into a stint of looking after Matty. But the way it turned out was Matty got offered two weeks respite in the Braid Valley Hospital, so I've been on holiday for the past two weeks and it has been rather wonderful.

I hit the ground running in the first week. Bert's affairs needed a great deal of sorting out. I spent that week ordering clematis liners and sorting out his paperwork. I also got working on another plan. This year we intend to make more use of the land and, to that end, have taken on board another couple of people to work on our co-operative allotments. Our aim is as much self-sufficiency as we can achieve.

But before that there was some overdue cleaning to be tackled.

I started to clean underneath the furniture instead of flaffing around it and I was just in time. The pup-chewed wood, the milk bottle cap and the shred of Christmas paper could have stayed under the sofa for ever but I reckon that dead mouse would have made its presence felt before long. The sun-room, with its wood-burning stove, can get rather warm.

And talking of more useful dead animals - our friend Peter presented us with three fine, plump rabbits.

I had a great idea. Bert said it was his but as he didn't say it out loud that means it was mine. We were having the co-operative around for a brain-storming luncheon party last Sunday and I though it might be a useful and bonding experience if Bert took them for a master-class in bunny butchering.

So, after a delicious lunch of roast pork, home-grown vegetables and blackberry and apple crumble Bert took a party of three out to the back shed, showed them the bunnies and gave them a knife and went off to do something more interesting instead. Luckily Rachael had a book.

I still haven't heard what their rabbit pies and stews were like but I'm sure they were yummy. Freddie de Cat certainly enjoyed his bunny hind leg, made a nice change from mouse. I told Bert he should have hung those bunnies out of reach.

Young Rooney was most disappointed with us that we didn't keep the skins. Said they make a great rug when cured and stitched together. Rachael will need to be got on to that one. I fancy some rabbit skin slippers myself.

Monday, February 07, 2011

Winter's Bone


Bert and I watched this film together. He had already watched it on his own but chose to watch it for a second time with me. It was superb and I'd recommend it to anyone. It is not sunshiney but it is life-affirming. Jennifer Lawrence playing the young heroine is fabulous in the part and the child actors were astonishingly good.

There is one harrowing scene featuring the actress Dale Dickey playing Merab. Merab is one of three practical, hard-nosed sisters who don't fear violence, the dark or power tools. I'll not go into details but afterwards I said to Bert,

Can you imagine me, London Sister and Ganching at that carry-on?

And he said,

Youse would be complete wimps. Youse would be, "Oh I'm scared!" or, "It's so dark!" or, "Is that a cow? It's looking at me!" Maybe Kerry or Leitrim Sisters could handle it but not you three!

Well. I don't know about Ganching and London Sister but I couldn't use a chainsaw in a canoe. I can't even swim!

Anyway - if you get a chance to catch the film watch it. It really is good. Look out for the Deadwood actors, especially Sol Starr (John Hawkes) playing Teardrop.

Sunday, February 06, 2011

New Blue Car

There was great excitement at Nellybert's today when Miss Martha took delivery of a new blue car. Well - new to her anyway. The vehicle had one previous owner, a Master Rainey, and apart from a bit of dog chew damage at the back bumper it was a great wee runaround. Now Miss Martha can be just like Granny and drive around in a bright blue, rather dirty car.

But there was one problem. The congestion in Nellybert's yard was damnable. She could hardly move the wee motor an inch!

Friday, February 04, 2011

Best Best Man Ever

Some things ought to be recorded.

Mrs Anna was visiting Matty the other day and the subject of the Leitrim Sister came up it being her birthday and all.

The subject of the Leitrim Sister's birthday came up and that led to the Leitrim Sister's wedding to yer man from Glasgay that looks well in a kilt. Mrs Anna said in a tone that broached no argument that yer man from Glasgay that married the Leitrim Sister had the best Best Man ever and that there would be no argument about this because he was the best Best Man ever, so I'm just recording this because I think Mrs Anna was right and it needs to be recorded.

Happy Birthday Leitrim Sister

Leitrim Sister's birthday today. Luckily she is not camera-shy so I had tons of pictures to choose from. There she was looking like a Celtic Princess on her wedding day, a Blue Stocking on her graduation day, a Wee Angel on her First Communion day and so on and so on....

So naturally I chose this one of her posing cross-eyed in a Christmas jumper.

Happy Birthday Dede.

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

A Bit Of A Lout

The Kerry Sister was telling me that the other day the Neesh and herself were amusing themselves with an Ulster-Scots Dictionary. Now the Neesh comes from Antrim and it's a well-known fact that Antrim people are practically McCooeys and know no Ulster-Scots at all so she was amazed at the richness of the 'hamely tongue'.

"Mind you," says the Kerry Sister, "We couldn't help but notice that most of the best words had the same meaning."

"Is that so?" says I. "And what would that have been then?"

"Oh," says she. "Most of them had a definition of 'A foolish, awkward fellow. A bit of a lout."

Well, it's said that the Inuit people have many, many words for 'snow', and Ulster-Scots appear to have many, many words for 'fool'. I wonder if this has any significance?

I thought I'd do a little research during the ad breaks of 'Big Fat Gypsy Weddings' and, advised by Bert, started with 'G'. It proved a rich seam.

My reference was 'A Concise Ulster Dictionary' a Christmas gift from Ganching 14 years ago.

Gaum - a fool, a simpleton
Gomach - a dupe, a gullible person
Gowk - stupid person, idiotic
Gornical - odd looking, dim-witted person
Gype - a clumsy awkward person
Galumpus - a stupid person
Gazeby - queer looking, a tall awkward person
Gaberloon - a stupid awkward fellow
Gah - a silly person
Gumph - a stupid person
Gulpin - thick-witted stubborn person
Glipe - an uncouth fellow
Gloit - a blockhead, an awkward fellow, a boor
Gludgeon - a clumsy awkward person
Glunter - a big awkward person
Gorgie - a foolish person, a clumsy silly person
Gowtril - good for nothing, a lout
Gunshion - thick-witted person
Gorkin - a big stupid person


My father would have regularly used 'gornical', 'gype' and 'gulpin'. 'Gornical' and 'gulpin' were terms of derision but I'm sure I remember him using 'gype' as an expression of endearment. Maybe I misunderstood him. I've heard Bert use 'gaum', 'gowk' and 'glunter'. He would usually be speaking of Clint.