I read recently that all the truly fashionable people shop in Primark now. It's all about mixing your designer pieces with the cheap and cheerful. Dressing head to toe in designer labels like Mrs Beckham is now just as over as her pop career.
So even though I'm not a fashionista I thought to myself, I'll have a bit of that, and headed off to Dunnes. Well there is no Primark in Antrim. Which is where I was when this urge for new garments hit me.
I ignored the underwear section as I am very particular about my underwear. I like it to be big and I like it to be firm and I like it to be well put together - the same as how I like my men really. Dunnes underwear being cheap and cheery (and scratchy and uncomfortable) obviously does not meet my high standards.
Now the other night I was watching that Makosi one on Big Brother. That girl has some backside. Nobody could accuse her trousers of looking like her arse had fainted. But her knickers, they were definitely in a twist. They appeared to be some sort of pink thong that had been kneaded and shredded between her ample cheeks. She looked very uncomfortable indeed.
When I was a girl we got our comfortable and cosy Cherub knickers in Woolworths. Cherubs came up to your waist and cuddled the top of your thighs. They had a double gusset. They fulfilled the function of knickers as laid down by our mothers and grandmothers. They were modest and they kept our kidneys warm. Now I see these sort of knickers feature in some rather dubious websites I once stumbled upon. But unlike the pure white and boilable knickers we favoured these were in navy and bottle green. Very strange.
The rot set in with the coming of mini skirts. Big sensible knickers didn't sit well with shorter skirts and something called briefs was introduced. By today's standards these were anything but brief but back in the sixties we thought they were pretty daring. Nowadays the brevity and scantiness of underwear is shocking and what passes for knickers would do nothing to mind a girl's modesty or warm her kidneys. Maybe it's because of central heating and/or global warming but if the scientist's gloomy predictions for these islands should come to pass then girls will be back in Cherubs by the middle of this century and thongs will just be an unpleasant memory - or not depending on individual taste.
But I'm away off on one again. What did I buy in Dunnes? Well I bought Bert two tee shirts that go by the unfortunate and hopefully not prophetic name of wife beaters and I bought myself very many tee shirts and two pairs of those three-quarter length summer trousers that show off a neatly turned ankle (of which I possess two) and guess what? When I tried the trousers on at home they were nearly full-length. Rats! I hate being short.